Let’s discuss a topic often left unspoken: the challenging children. You know the ones—labeled as poorly behaved, overly demanding, or difficult to manage. These kids aren’t the ones who effortlessly greet newcomers with smiles and hugs, nor do they easily adapt to new environments. They are the ones who refuse to eat the new type of pizza you brought home or don’t want to participate in that camp you’ve enrolled them in. They experience bad dreams, harbor significant worries, and can easily slip into tears or anger.
“Intense” is the most fitting descriptor for them.
As a parent of two, I can relate. One of my children embodies this intensity. While some might say, “Oh, mine is challenging too! All kids are!” I can assure you that only parents of strong-willed children truly grasp my experience.
We understand the disappointment that comes when our child’s behavior doesn’t meet others’ expectations:
- “Why didn’t he give me a high five immediately?”
- “Why is she only eating crackers today?”
- “There must be something wrong with that kid.”
- “Why did he shout at me after winning?”
- “Why isn’t she interested in playing with the dollhouse?”
- “If he just got disciplined, he’d behave better.”
I’ve overheard these kinds of comments made about my lively child, sometimes in my presence, and it’s exhausting, isolating, and painful.
Yes, I know these kids can be intense. It’s not a matter of an occasional tantrum or being a little fussy when hungry. Children like mine are often emotionally intense from the moment they arrive, if not before. I still recall the ultrasound technician chuckling at my little one’s energetic movements in the womb.
Kids like my son can be demanding, hard to please, and anxious. But here’s the truth: they remain children at heart, and if you’re willing to look beyond their tough exterior, you will find sweetness and kindness. They’re not spoiled or neglected.
I don’t believe I’ve done anything to “create” a more challenging child, although I’ve certainly made my share of mistakes. On good days, I affectionately refer to him as my “grumpy old man,” and I find him charming and humorous. Anyone who takes the time (and I understand this can be tough) to engage with him for more than a few minutes will discover he’s a delightful little person—sharp, affectionate, and amusing.
To those who don’t have a strong-willed child, I urge you to take a moment to appreciate the uniqueness of kids like mine. Resist the impulse to judge or assume there’s something wrong with them (or their parents). Remember, their protective outer shell has been built for a reason.
You might be surprised by what you discover. Most importantly, your patience will not go unnoticed by either the child or their caregiver. I can assure you of that.
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Summary:
This article explores the challenges faced by parents of emotionally intense children, encouraging understanding and compassion from others. It highlights the importance of patience and acceptance, reminding readers that these children, while often misunderstood, have much to offer once their exterior is engaged with kindness.