Navigating friendships as an adult can be incredibly challenging. It’s not like childhood, where a simple compliment about someone’s shoes could spark an instant connection. Picture two women at a park, quickly becoming best pals for an hour of shared laughter before parting ways with a cheerful hug. Adult friendships, however, require more effort and emotional investment, and finding genuine connections can be exhausting.
As I grow older, I’ve come to realize I have specific non-negotiables when it comes to friendship. One of my biggest pet peeves? If we’re meeting for a playdate and you mention your child was up all night sick, stay home! I simply don’t have the energy for friendships that lack authenticity and reliability. I crave depth and support, and I’m done with superficial connections. Here are my top eight friendship deal breakers:
- Cleaning Before Visits: If I feel the need to tidy up before you come over, this friendship isn’t going to work. I want friends who accept me as I am, mess and all.
- Unwanted Parenting Advice: If I’m venting, please just listen. I’m open to advice when I ask, but I don’t want to feel judged for my parenting choices. Your style is yours, and mine is mine. If you can respect that, we’ll get along great.
- Backup Friend Status: I seek friends who are eager to include me, not just when their other plans fall through. I want to feel valued as a friend, not a last-minute option.
- Lack of Humor: Life can be tough, and I believe laughter is the best medicine. If we can’t share some laughs together, it’s likely our friendship won’t last.
- One-Sided Efforts: I understand life gets busy, but I need to see some effort from you in maintaining our friendship. I don’t want to be the only one reaching out.
- Flakiness: While I’m flexible and understand plans can change, consistently canceling last minute is a deal breaker. I need friends who respect our time together.
- Inability to Keep Secrets: Trust is essential. If I confide in you, I expect that my secrets remain just between us. If you can’t keep confidences, then it’s time to part ways.
- Feeling Judged: I need to be able to be my true self around you. Some days I’m put together; other days, I’m a hot mess. If you can’t accept all sides of me, it’s best we don’t continue.
While it may seem like I have high standards, I believe these are fair expectations for a healthy friendship. I pride myself on being a loyal friend and hold myself to the same standards I expect from others. So, what are your deal breakers? Let’s connect over a cup of coffee and share our thoughts.
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In summary, understanding what you need from friendships is crucial for building meaningful connections as an adult. Establishing clear deal breakers can help you maintain healthy relationships that enrich your life.