Recently, my marriage experienced a blissful phase where I felt like a “newlywed” in love with my partner. We parented harmoniously, finishing each other’s thoughts and presenting ourselves as the picture-perfect couple that many others envied on social media. But just like that, it all came crashing down. We had a tumultuous confrontation—a real knock-down, drag-out argument that could have been scripted for a reality show, minus the dramatic drink-throwing (we don’t waste good wine or beer).
The disagreement was draining. We shouted, talked, and I admit, I did most of the yelling while he stood there, visibly pained and ready to walk away. Little was resolved, and I was left feeling defeated, exhausted, and frustrated. I couldn’t shake the feeling of being cheated out of the fairy-tale romance I thought I had. Why wasn’t my marriage as flawless as those I scrolled through on Facebook, where couples gazed into each other’s eyes against a backdrop of picturesque sunsets?
That night, I reached out to a friend, unsure of what I was hoping for—perhaps just a sympathetic ear. In my experience, few people openly discussed the realities of marriage, even those who raised me. Topics like marriage and finances seemed taboo. Sure, we would joke about our spouses driving us crazy or their failure to do the dishes, but we seldom delved into the messy details. Admitting that marriage had its challenges felt like a confession of failure.
As I recounted the details of our argument to my friend, she listened, asked questions, and expressed understanding. I felt guilty for unloading my problems on her, convinced she would view my marriage as a disaster. To my surprise, she opened up about the struggles in her own relationship. “I never knew,” I said, taken aback. “I thought it was just us.” She reassured me, “No, I think most couples have to work at it.”
This revelation made me ponder why marriage discussions often stop at humor or boasting. Many of us readily acknowledge that parenting is tough, so why not marriage? It was comforting to know that even seemingly strong marriages encounter difficulties and that it often requires substantial effort to maintain them. I want to talk about marriage openly. It’s time to admit that it can be hard.
When two individuals come together and add the complexities of finances, children, careers, and aging into the mix, tensions can rise. We need to create a space for honest conversations. I grew up believing in the fairy tale—complete with Prince Charming and a blissful happily-ever-after. While I cherished that fantasy, I now recognize it as unrealistic. I wish someone had prepared me for the truth: marriage demands a tremendous amount of hard work and dedication. It’s not for the faint-hearted.
There are moments filled with love and joy, but also periods of sadness and frustration. I wish I had been warned, but there’s no real way to prepare for it all. You find your prince, marry him, and start a family, only to discover that the beautiful white dress was just the beginning of a journey that won’t always be idyllic. If our parents had been honest about the struggles of marriage and parenting, perhaps humanity would have faced extinction!
Now, I understand that marriage encompasses both highs and lows. I have experienced the ebb and flow and am no longer hesitant to discuss my marriage. It’s a continuous journey, much like my writing, my children, and my efforts to embrace aging gracefully. It’s often not the kind of story you see on Facebook. If you ask, I’ll share my truth because I refuse to pretend any longer. My marriage is hard, but it’s also rewarding. I accept this reality, and I’m here for you too—embracing the good, the bad, and everything in between. If you need someone to talk to about marriage or any of life’s hurdles that require effort and care, I am here without any judgment.
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Summary:
Marriage is a complex journey that often comes with significant challenges, despite the fairy-tale ideals many of us grow up believing. It requires hard work, open communication, and a willingness to confront both the joys and struggles that arise over time. By sharing our experiences and being honest about the realities of marriage, we can create a supportive community that acknowledges the journey as worthwhile, even when it becomes difficult.