Parents often find themselves saying—or at least thinking—”Just go and play!” I know I do, multiple times a day. Yet, I struggle to keep my frustration at bay when I issue this command. Why do my children require constant guidance? Why must I curate their playtime and transition them from one activity to another? I feel like an overzealous cruise director, mapping out every minute of their day. “First, we’ll build with blocks, and after lunch, we’ll color together in the living room.”
I’m not even delving into the outdoors, where they’ll only venture if I put on their shoes and coax them outside. I’m simply longing for them to engage in imaginative play right here in our home while I tackle my own tasks. I wish they’d just play independently, even if just for a little while.
My kids can enjoy each other’s company—playing alongside one another—without my constant involvement. Yet, I find myself repeating the same lines to my 6-year-old son daily:
- “Your sister wants to join in the fun, just let her play with you.”
- “She’s been eagerly waiting for you to return from school.”
- “When I was your age, I played with my older brother without needing anyone to guide us.”
- “You and your sister are so close in age; you should be able to play together.”
- “My mother was busy working and didn’t play with me.”
- “Please go downstairs and find something to do.”
- “I’m in the middle of dinner prep.”
- “I’m working right now.”
- “Your dad is at the office.”
I once told my daughter, “Dora goes on all kinds of adventures by herself (with just a talking monkey, mind you).” And while my daughter excels at independent play, this issue stems from my son, who still relies heavily on my direction.
I’m aware that many articles discuss helicopter parenting and the negative impact of over-involvement. I realize I have hovered, but after actively stepping back for a year, my son still struggles to engage in play without me. I find myself pleading silently, “Please, just go off and play without me.” It’s been six years of nudging him through developmental milestones, waiting for that moment when he’ll venture to another room and entertain himself.
I know I’m not alone in this struggle. Friends with multiple kids often express similar frustrations, noting that their children also hesitate to engage in play without explicit instructions. When other kids join the mix, my kids often forget about me entirely. Thank goodness for playdates; they provide a brief respite from the demands of parenting.
Compounding this issue is the modern open floor plan that we all seem to favor—myself included. We desire homes that allow us to keep an eye on play areas and maintain an open connection to the kitchen. My childhood home, in stark contrast, had cozy nooks where my mother could retreat, leaving us to explore freely. I hardly remember her being present in the family room filled with our toys. I played alone, roamed the neighborhood, and ventured to friends’ houses without needing to check in. When it was time for dinner, she’d simply call our names from the door, blissfully unaware of our whereabouts.
While I’m in my stylish, open-concept kitchen, I’m constantly accessible. The ease of wireless communication and the transparency of our living space have changed the dynamics of play and independence. Perhaps future generations will revert back to more closed-off designs, allowing parents to find their own spaces while their children explore independently.
I can sense that my kids, at ages 6 and 4, are on the brink of greater independence. Soon, I know they’ll embark on their own adventures without me. Until that day arrives, we’ll engage in princess games for my daughter followed by Chutes and Ladders for my son. Then, I’ll urge them to go and play (without me) while I tackle the laundry.
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In summary, the journey of parenting often leads to the realization that children benefit from independence, even amidst our modern lifestyle. Encouraging them to find joy in play without us not only fosters their creativity but also grants us a necessary breath of fresh air.