My mother was anything but conventional. She had a penchant for being outspoken and a bit risqué, often dispensing advice that was as memorable as it was unorthodox. Yet, within those vivid memories lie valuable lessons. One of her greatest teachings—arguably the most challenging to embrace—was how to articulate my own identity.
As a bookish pre-teen who devoured Woody Allen films—definitely not your average 11-year-old—I leaned heavily on self-deprecating humor. I believed it endeared me to my peers until my mother delivered a harsh truth: “When you consistently speak negatively about yourself, people will remember those negative remarks but might forget the speaker.”
The speaker? That would be me. How could anyone overlook that?
“But I’m just joking,” I protested.
“It doesn’t matter. They’ll forget it was you who said it, and they won’t even remember it was funny,” she replied.
I mulled it over, envisioning a scenario: “Should we invite Laurie to the gathering? No, I heard she gets anxious and awkward at parties.” Perhaps she had a point. Then my mother added the kicker: “The opposite is also true. If you share positive things about yourself, people will also forget who said it.”
That was a revelation.
Years later, while working as an assistant at a media company, I found myself fielding calls and managing appointments while watching talented writers and actors land jobs I yearned for. “I’m on the wrong side of this,” I thought. When someone inquired about my aspirations, I admitted I wanted to be a writer, but felt invisible. He advised, “Keep telling people you’re a writer. Eventually, someone who hasn’t even seen your work will give you a chance.”
It was as if my mother’s wisdom had echoed through the halls of that office.
Of course, it took external validation for me to truly absorb her message. I remembered when my mother suggested using an ice cream scoop for muffin batter—an idea I dismissed until a celebrity chef echoed it. “Didn’t I mention that ages ago?” I can almost hear her saying it now.
Bobby Flay was spot on, my friend’s advice rang true, and my mother had been right all along. Within months of declaring myself a writer, I landed my first two paying gigs, all from people who had never seen my previous work.
“Laurie’s a writer, isn’t she?”
You bet she is.
So take my mother’s advice to heart. Avoid telling others you’re unattractive, unintelligent, or clumsy. Don’t joke about your shortcomings, especially around those who don’t know you well. Instead, with humility, share what you excel at or hope to excel at, because they’ll likely forget it was you who said it, and that could lead to opportunities to pursue your passions. And remember, you don’t need to wait for a celebrity to validate your mother’s wisdom.
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Summary
This article reflects on the wisdom imparted by the author’s unconventional mother regarding self-presentation. It emphasizes the importance of speaking positively about oneself and the impact it can have on how others perceive you. Through personal anecdotes and valuable lessons, it encourages readers to embrace their identities and share their aspirations confidently.