For years, I’ve attempted to break free from Christianity. It’s ironic, considering my partner believes I’ve already distanced myself from it. To him, Christianity is defined by outward actions: attending church, praying before meals, and engaging in traditional Christian practices. But for me, Christianity is a belief system focused on justice, equity, and reconciling humanity with the divine. As I ventured away from the conventional (often white, Western) interpretation of Christianity, I felt more authentically aligned with its core principles.
Despite my internal struggles, I still refrained from participating in those traditional markers of faith. My husband recognized my departure long before I did, as untethering from the notion of a deity—Christian or otherwise—has been profoundly disorienting. This belief system has been woven into my identity for nearly four decades, with many friendships forged in church pews and nurtured through Bible studies and community gatherings. Even my current relationships often stem from shared religious values, particularly in the context of progressivism and following the teachings of Jesus. A significant portion of my commitment to social justice is rooted in the gospel; it has shaped my worldview, even as I seek to redefine it.
It feels like a divorce to suddenly distance myself from religion. In reflection, I realize I might have left much sooner if not for the fear of losing my community.
The Abusive Dynamics of Faith
Yes, I know equating Christianity with an abusive relationship is provocative, but where’s the inaccuracy? Let’s examine some of the core beliefs perpetuated by Christianity, especially in our white, patriarchal society:
- You are inherently sinful.
- No one can love you as deeply as God does.
- God sacrificed Himself for your faults.
- A new life awaits if you abandon everything for Him.
- You must forsake your old self and rely solely on God.
- Surrender control of your life and finances to God.
- Love God above all else.
Christianity instills the idea that your heart belongs exclusively to God. But what happens when that belief fades? How does one detach their heart without feeling a profound loss?
Can you envision someone demanding such devotion? If my child were in a relationship like this, I would urge them to escape swiftly. One friend pointed out that the evangelical depiction of God resembles an idol crafted from the traits of abusive, power-hungry men—narcissistic and self-absorbed. She’s absolutely right.
Moreover, many church environments perpetuate harmful beliefs. Let’s compare some traits of abusive individuals with church behaviors:
- Undermining Self-Esteem: Calling individuals sinners, downplaying their successes, and dismissing their questions are classic signs of abuse.
- Control and Shame: Churches often manipulate members through threats of losing salvation, dictating behavior, and demanding financial contributions as proof of faith.
- Codependence: The message is clear: rely solely on God, not others. Everything positive comes from God, while all negativity is attributed to external forces.
- Isolation: Many Christians are encouraged to separate themselves from the world, positioning themselves as representatives of a divine kingdom.
- Gaslighting: When questioning doctrines or attempting to leave, individuals are told that their struggles stem from personal sin, reinforcing guilt and coercion.
It’s no surprise that numerous Christians, especially women of color and LGBTQIA+ individuals, feel devalued. The narrative often teaches that women brought sin into the world, that we are worthless without Christ, who suffered immensely for our shortcomings.
I anticipate the typical defensive responses from Christians. However, I’ve been deeply entrenched in evangelical culture and studied theology extensively. If it were merely about flawed individuals rather than the faith itself, wouldn’t more people have been persuaded into belief by now?
While I acknowledge the need for reverence toward God, if the divine embodies abusive traits, why should I remain loyal? Despite my extensive list of abusive characteristics associated with this faith, I’m met with the argument that it’s about individuals, not the doctrine. But how many times can we excuse harmful behavior by attributing it to flawed people before recognizing a deeper issue within the faith itself?
Perhaps the problem isn’t me. Perhaps the real issue lies within Christianity itself.
For more insights into personal journeys and the implications of faith, check out one of our other blog posts here. Additionally, if you’re interested in early childhood development, this resource is highly insightful. For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, this link offers valuable guidance.
Summary
Leaving Christianity can feel akin to exiting an abusive relationship, characterized by manipulation, control, and emotional distress. The struggle to redefine one’s identity outside the confines of faith is profound, especially when intertwined with community and personal relationships. The journey is complex, and recognizing the abusive elements within religious teachings is essential for healing and liberation.