From a young age, I have struggled with issues of self-worth. I’ve often been reminded that I can be my own worst critic, and if only I could recognize the challenges I’ve overcome, I would be gentler with myself. Social media has become a double-edged sword for me, intensifying my insecurities. I find myself trapped in a cycle of comparison—she’s thinner, more accomplished, and seemingly has it all together. Each scroll sends me spiraling deeper into self-doubt.
While my upbringing may have played a role in shaping my self-image, the truth is that I ultimately control how I perceive myself. Yet, the weight of negativity can be overwhelming. My favorite mantra, “Actually, I can,” often gives way to the nagging thought, “Who am I kidding?”
Now at 46, I have a daughter named Mia who grapples with similar feelings of inadequacy. I realize that my own negative self-talk has likely influenced her perception of herself. For years, she has witnessed me criticize my appearance and dwell on my perceived failures.
About a year ago, Mia made a bold decision to delete her social media accounts. She was tired of the comparison trap that was affecting her mental well-being. In contrast to my ongoing struggle, she took decisive action to reshape her narrative. I admire her courage immensely.
Recently, my step-son, Alex, got married, and while it was a joyous occasion, the moment the photos arrived, I found myself critiquing my own appearance. As I stood there with Mia, I didn’t realize she was absorbing my harsh words. “My hair looks terrible. I look so old. Why did I pick that dress?” I lamented. Almost instantly, she echoed similar sentiments about her own looks, thankfully omitting the most critical parts I had mentioned.
Mia is observant; she reflects on what she sees. When I speak negatively about myself, I inadvertently teach her that such thoughts are acceptable. Then, she proposed an interesting challenge: for every negative thing I say about myself, she gets to say something negative about herself too. I found myself unwilling to allow her to engage in self-criticism. It’s a peculiar dynamic.
Before long, I stumbled at the challenge. Resetting my mindset after 40 years of self-deprecation is no small feat. There are no quick fixes to erase this toxic way of thinking. I struggle with living in the moment, embracing positive self-talk, and maintaining a prayerful disposition. Although I find it challenging—often feeling lazy about self-care—it’s clear that I need to take these steps to prevent myself from sinking deeper into feelings of worthlessness. I’m working on filtering my thoughts before voicing negativity and learning to extend compassion towards myself.
Perhaps it will take another 40 years to dismantle these layers of self-doubt, but that’s okay. Each layer I peel back brings me closer to discovering my true self.
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In summary, navigating self-worth is a lifelong journey, especially as I learn from my daughter’s actions and attitudes. With each challenge we face together, I strive to instill a healthier mindset in both of us.