On our first Valentine’s Day together, my husband, Tom, knocked on my dorm room door, and I was greeted by the sight of him holding a bouquet of roses with an endearing look of hesitation. However, these were not the long-stemmed red roses typically associated with the holiday; instead, they were tiny tea roses that seemed fit for an elf. Tom, being ever mindful of the budget, had stumbled upon what he thought was a fantastic deal on flowers. The frustration on his face was palpable, but I couldn’t help but feel charmed by his effort to bring a touch of romance into my life, even if it was with a half-off bouquet.
After we tied the knot, I anticipated that the romance would continue, coupons and all. But as weeks turned into months without a single flower delivery, I grew increasingly annoyed. Tom knew I adored receiving flowers, and I began to feel like I had married a Neanderthal who didn’t appreciate the value of making his wife smile. I would pass by colorful bouquets in grocery stores and florists’ windows, sighing and wishing for the day he’d surprise me with a romantic gesture. I even dropped hints, hoping he would pick up on my subtlety.
Then one day, while inhaling the scent of freesia in the grocery store, a light bulb went off: I didn’t have to wait for my romantically challenged husband to bring me flowers. I could simply buy my own! So, I treated myself to a generous bouquet, and my kitchen erupted with delightful fragrances that lifted my spirits for the week.
I came to realize that flowers and vibrant plants bring me immense joy, and I refuse to depend on anyone else for my happiness. Tom, bless him, doesn’t quite understand the thrill I get from seeing sunflowers in the fall or daffodils peeking through the ground in spring. I become giddy at the sight of tulips, and yellow roses always brighten my day.
For years now, I’ve been treating myself to flowers almost weekly, filling my workspace with their cheerfulness and inviting scents that invigorate my daily routine. I also purchase plants and create Zen gardens because tending to them gives me a sense of purpose. As spring approaches, I eagerly visit local garden shops to select perennials and annuals, spending hours planting them in my yard. Gardening has become my sanctuary, and it’s my responsibility to cultivate that space—not Tom’s.
By nurturing my own joy and advocating for my self-care needs, I’m not only gifting myself daily happiness but also freeing Tom from the pressure of being solely responsible for my contentment. He’s loving, kind, and thoughtful in countless ways that often catch me off guard. While flowers are indeed part of my love language, thoughtful surprises like finding Broadway tickets tucked in my Christmas stocking or receiving a gift that I mentioned months ago are equally romantic.
Choosing to seek my own joy has allowed both of us to flourish in our marriage. We’ve learned to let go of the belief that we owe each other our happiness and instead listen to what truly brings joy to each other’s lives. That said, we still have our romantic moments. I’ve simply accepted that Tom doesn’t view flowers as essential to romance, and that’s perfectly fine. I will love him and his botanical shortcomings regardless because marriage is about seeing past each other’s flaws and nurturing the areas where both partners can thrive, just like a garden.
While that first bouquet of tiny roses may have lacked impact, it has led to countless laughs over the years. I often tease him about his hesitance to spend on flowers or candy for special occasions. He may forget to order a bouquet for my birthday, but when I see him comforting our child at night when they’re sick or feeling his hand squeeze mine in a dark theater, he feels as sweet as a bouquet.
So, ladies, buy yourself the flowers, chocolates, tickets, or jewelry—whatever it may be. Don’t wait for someone else to gift it to you. Your partner may not excel in this area, but you shouldn’t feel deprived. You are fully capable of treating yourself, and you certainly won’t regret it.
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In summary, embracing your own happiness is essential. Whether through flowers, gardening, or other forms of self-care, taking charge of your joy can lead to a more fulfilling relationship and life.