Recently, I stumbled upon an enticing post by a friend on social media. It featured a stunning close-up of a crystal-clear glass brimming with a rich red wine, resting on her elegant kitchen counter. The wine sparkled in the light, almost inviting me to indulge.
As I glanced at the photo, I could almost taste the wine—likely a fine Italian vintage, given my friend’s culinary expertise. I had been through a challenging day, managing work commitments and planning an event, all while feeling the fatigue of little sleep and a partner out of town. I imagined my friend, who also juggles her three lively children, volunteering, and teaching cooking classes, had similarly intense hours. Her caption simply read: “Deserved.”
That word caught me off guard. While I understood the sentiment behind it—celebrating a well-earned moment of relaxation—I couldn’t shake off the sense of discomfort it evoked. Why do women often feel the need to justify their enjoyment of life’s simple pleasures?
Women have been conditioned to feel that we must earn our indulgences. Messages about what we deserve permeate our society, often rooted in outdated patriarchal beliefs. For instance, we’re told that if we wear certain clothing, we might deserve negative treatment, or that our professional worth is diminished compared to our male counterparts solely based on our gender. Even the notion of earning leisure time feels like a burden we carry.
Consider the common phrasing of gratitude: “Thanks to my partner for allowing me to have a moment to myself.” While it’s great to appreciate support, framing our need for personal time as a favor creates a debt mentality that undermines our independence and reinforces gender inequalities. Activities as fundamental as showering, eating, or even taking a trip to the store become branded as “self-care,” implying they are luxuries rather than basic human rights.
It’s worth noting that I’ve never seen a man proclaiming that his golf game or fishing trip was “deserved.” Their posts often boast about accomplishments without the need for justification. This discrepancy highlights the societal pressure many women feel to validate their enjoyment. Is it so wrong for a woman to want a glass of wine simply because she wants one? Shouldn’t we be able to claim our downtime without the need for justification or an earned status?
What women truly deserve includes equal pay, comprehensive maternity leave, and reliable childcare. We deserve quality healthcare, autonomy over our bodies, and the right to feel safe in public spaces. Respect should be accorded regardless of the work we do, whether it’s nurturing children or managing corporations. And yes, we absolutely deserve that glass of wine whenever we choose—not as a reward, but as a rightful indulgence.
We must remind ourselves that we are enough, just as we are. Let’s embrace our desires without the need for a behind-the-scenes narrative of deservingness.
For more insights on navigating motherhood and personal well-being, explore our other posts, including our guide on artificial insemination kits here and a comprehensive overview of well-baby visits here. Additionally, for those exploring fertility options, this resource provides valuable information.
Summary
Women often feel pressured to justify their desires and pleasures through the notion of “deserving.” This article discusses the societal implications of this mindset and emphasizes that women should embrace their wants without guilt or need for validation. Ultimately, we deserve to enjoy life simply because we exist.