On Christmas Eve this past year, as the clock struck midnight, I scurried around the house like a stealthy gazelle, preparing everything for the big day ahead. After a whirlwind of activity, I finally emerged from the bathroom in my pajamas, ready to collapse into bed. As I glanced over at my husband, he gestured toward my side of the bed, where a beautifully wrapped bag from Victoria’s Secret awaited me. My face lit up in excitement, only to swiftly transform into a grimace that I clearly couldn’t conceal.
He quickly reassured me, “No! It’s part of your Christmas gifts, but I couldn’t give it to you in front of the kids! It’s not for tonight!”
I burst into laughter, realizing how comically my emotions had flipped in just a moment, and soon my husband joined in. We laughed for what felt like an eternity.
How Did We Get Here?
When did he start buying me lingerie—complete with a raincheck? While I delight in creating fun surprises for our daughters on special occasions, I often neglect to do the same for my husband. He typically ends up with a hastily purchased card, often after he surprises me with flowers.
The truth is, my husband excels at being thoughtful, a fact I sometimes take for granted. Yet, there are moments when I consciously remind myself, “How fortunate you are to have him.” In those fleeting instances, I express gratitude for him and the delightful chaos that is our family. But soon, the whirlwind of life takes over, and I find myself prioritizing everything else over him.
Remembering the Past
Seriously, how did this happen? I remember moving to a new state for my husband, before the arrival of our kids and the ensuing chaos, when my favorite time was snuggling in bed watching reruns of Family Guy. It may not seem romantic, but it was the highlight of my day. After enduring a long-distance relationship, the simple joy of curling up together felt surreal. Even after living together for years, I would think, “I get to go home to my husband!”
I still feel that excitement when he comes home from work, and my love for him remains strong (which is fortunate since he’s stuck with me). Yet, sometimes I awaken from the fog of motherhood and long for those cozy Family Guy evenings.
Who knew a cartoon could evoke such romantic nostalgia? (And yes, I hate the word “romantic,” but here we are.)
Embracing Change
Before we got married, I panicked, thinking, “I don’t want to settle into comfort. I don’t want to be just another married couple.” When we were about to have our first child, I cried and told my husband, “I don’t want to lose what makes us, us.”
What I didn’t realize then was that change is inevitable in a relationship; as long as we continue to grow, we will adapt as a couple time and time again.
Though we might not have much alone time, he still playfully smacks my butt as I rush by to refill our daughter’s milk. We may not dive into bed like teenagers, but we fade into sleep as the news plays softly in the background. Spontaneous trips have transformed into carefully planned excursions, but we’ve learned to appreciate those moments that do happen.
Indeed, we don’t remain stagnant as a couple; we evolve together, navigating new adventures repeatedly, if we’re fortunate.
Finding the Fun
Just last week, I messaged my husband, “We need a date night soon; we’re starting to feel like friends.” He quickly responded, “Well, Google does label you as ‘FRIEND’ next to your chat photo.” I chuckled, but before I could reply, he sent another message: “I just changed it. Now it says ‘My Sexy Wife I Love.’”
Reading that made my stomach flutter with excitement. Moments like these far surpass any Family Guy rerun.
This article was originally published on March 30, 2017.
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In summary, while children can certainly push you out of your comfort zone, this shift can ultimately strengthen your marriage as you navigate the chaos and joy of family life together.