I wouldn’t label myself as a helicopter parent. I never intended to constantly hover over my children, rushing in at the slightest sign of a stumble or a cry. However, after having two kids in less than a year, my mom instincts kicked in, and I found myself frequently monitoring their every move.
But that changed a couple of weeks ago.
My little ones are now 3 and 4 years old, and I’ve recently realized that they can actually manage tasks by themselves. You might already know this, and you’re probably thinking, “Well, duh!” But it took me a while to recognize their capabilities.
As an introverted stay-at-home mom, balancing my needs with those of my kids isn’t always easy. Some days, I feel overwhelmed and just want to escape, shedding my responsibilities like a snake sheds its skin. The constant physical contact, their little hands tugging and poking, the endless chatter about nothing, and their perpetual demands for my attention can be exhausting. The whining and yelling seem relentless. They want me to join their games, argue over toys, or complain about TV choices, and it goes on and on.
I eventually reached a breaking point. I was tired of playing referee, tired of being their constant playmate, and tired of feeling like I had to supervise their every action. One morning, while folding laundry, my son asked for a string cheese snack. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and said, “You can get it yourself.”
His expression shifted from surprise to pure joy. He dashed to the fridge, and I guided him to where his snack was located. That small moment of independence sparked many more.
I began to let my children handle more tasks independently. I provided my daughter with the tools to make her own peanut butter sandwich, and nothing disastrous occurred. She was thrilled with her newfound responsibility and even put the dirty knife in the trash afterward. I learned that if I specified the color and type of clothing, my son could dress himself, and I didn’t mind if his shirt was on backward. It granted me a few uninterrupted moments to focus on my tasks.
I discovered that kids can entertain themselves if you give them a little space. Not in a neglectful way, but in a “I have things to do; you’re on your own” manner. I started teaching them to be independent and collaborate with each other. They began to find lost toys and get snacks without my assistance.
No longer did I have to intervene in their disputes constantly. I ensured they were safe but stepped back from being involved in every little argument. They learned to resolve conflicts on their own. Moreover, I’ve stopped being their sole source of attention. It’s crucial for them to realize that while they are central to my life, they can’t expect my undivided focus every moment of the day. They must learn to seek their own enjoyment.
Initially, I embraced this approach for my own sanity. I needed time for myself, my work, and to maintain our home. What began as a necessity for self-care transformed into something more significant.
Instead of being the cruise director of fun for my kids, I’ve embraced my role as their mother, responsible for raising strong, capable individuals who don’t see themselves as victims. This journey hasn’t been without its challenges, but by stepping back, I allowed them to step up. I empowered them with responsibilities and independence, and in return, I gained a more harmonious household.
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Summary:
In this piece, Jenna Marks shares her journey from being an overly involved parent to allowing her children to take on responsibilities and develop independence. By stepping back, she discovered that her kids were capable of doing many things on their own, leading to a more balanced and harmonious household.