Trigger warning: eating disorders
I can vividly recall my first binge eating episode from thirty years ago. Having battled anorexia for over a year, I restricted myself to just 1,200 calories daily, a number I obsessively counted, and I exercised for an hour and a half each day. My health deteriorated—I lost my menstrual cycle, my hair started thinning, and I often dozed off in class.
What initially began as an attempt to shed a few pounds after puberty spiraled into a fixation with being thin. Despite surviving on rice and vegetables, I was perpetually hungry, and food consumed my thoughts. I would dream of indulging in foods I craved and spent hours flipping through food magazines, fantasizing about meals. My hunger drove me to take sleeping pills secretly to escape the gnawing sensation in my stomach.
One fateful night after a basketball game, while my parents were asleep, I noticed a batch of fresh blueberry jelly my father had made. Thinking I could indulge a little without consequences, I planned to have just a half slice of light bread with a bit of jelly. Instead, I lost control—within thirty minutes, I had devoured an entire loaf of bread and two jars of jelly. I went to bed that night filled with shame, promising myself I wouldn’t eat the next day.
I managed to hold off until dinner, but after that, the same pattern emerged. I found myself consuming an entire box of dry cereal, all while feeling completely out of control. This cycle of binging and self-loathing persisted for years, often occurring in the isolation of my kitchen floor at night.
Back in the early ’90s, I had no idea what binge eating truly was. My attempts to make myself sick were unsuccessful. Binge eating, or compulsive eating, involves consuming large quantities of food in a short time while feeling powerless to stop. This condition differs from simply succumbing to cravings or eating excessively during PMS. According to the NIDDK, if you binge eat regularly—at least once a week for three months—you may be suffering from binge eating disorder.
The aftermath of binging is often filled with regret and shame, marking a difficult cycle to break. Unlike bulimia, binge eating does not involve purging, making it the most common eating disorder in the U.S. The NIDDK states that around 3.5% of adult women and 2% of adult men are affected, with men most commonly experiencing it in midlife.
Jazz Thompson, a 20-year-old transgender activist, recently shared her struggle with binge eating on Instagram. She revealed, “I suffer from binge-eating disorder, a disease in which I’m not only addicted to food, but I eat it in large quantities. My binging, combined with medication-induced appetite increases, has led to a nearly 100 lb. weight gain in under two years. I’m sharing this photo to confront my weight gain and take responsibility.”
Her openness is commendable and highlights the importance of discussing eating disorders, something I wish had been more prevalent in my youth. This conversation, along with media coverage, may help others feel less isolated in their struggles.
Binge eating can affect individuals of average weight, though it is more prevalent among those with obesity. However, it’s crucial to note that not everyone with obesity has binge eating disorder, as stated by the NIDDK. The dangers of binge eating are significant, potentially leading to life-threatening consequences. Individuals with this disorder often feel uncomfortable eating around others, frequently diet, exhibit signs of depression, and experience substantial weight fluctuations.
If you live with someone who has binge eating disorder, you may notice large amounts of food disappearing in a short time. Personally, I would binge late at night when my parents were asleep, and they often remarked about the missing food. Eventually, I began buying my own food and hiding the wrappers to conceal my behavior.
Binge eating is akin to an addiction. It wasn’t until I sought therapy that I recognized the severity of my issue. I even felt a sense of loss when I stopped binging, as I had looked forward to my solitary moments with food.
Fortunately, binge eating is treatable, and recovery is possible—I haven’t engaged in binge eating for 25 years. If you suspect you or a loved one has binge eating disorder, consult a doctor who can refer you to a mental health professional. Treatment may include therapy to address eating habits and the thoughts and emotions that trigger binge eating.
My therapy journey helped me identify my triggers. I discarded the scale and stopped enduring long periods without eating—both of which exacerbated my cravings. The National Eating Disorder Association provides valuable resources for anyone grappling with this disorder, whether you’re affected yourself or are concerned about a loved one.
The key takeaway is that support and help are available, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
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