Updated: November 27, 2019
Originally Published: November 27, 2019
I still remember the first time my kids dropped a swear word. My ex-mother-in-law was in the car with them when my youngest, not even three years old yet, exclaimed, “What a freakin’ idiot!” This was during a particularly long moment of patience-testing as a driver struggled to back out of a parking space.
My mom had a similar experience. One evening, while I was working late, she was putting my oldest, then five, into her pajamas while my little one was flipping through a book. Suddenly, my toddler scrunched up her face and declared, “This snake has no freakin’ tongue.” I couldn’t help but chuckle; she had picked that up from me, I knew it.
Initially, I found these moments hilarious. Sure, swearing isn’t the epitome of good manners, but it’s pretty amusing when a toddler uses a curse word aptly. That said, I knew I had to address the situation. I had to curb my own language around the kids. I explained to my daughter that those were adult words, inappropriate for our family.
My swearing isn’t excessive; I don’t curse at my kids or make absurd declarations like “this sandwich tastes like total garbage.” For me, swearing is a way to express strong emotions when nothing else seems adequate. When someone cuts me off in traffic, “you jerk” tends to feel more fitting than a polite remark. There’s a clear distinction between using a curse word in frustration and directing that anger at someone, especially a child.
For four years, I managed to keep my swearing in check, until that fateful day in the car. We had just returned home from a birthday party when I glanced back to see the mess my kids left behind in the backseat. Books, wrappers, and what looked like a headless doll were scattered everywhere. I snapped at them, pointing out the chaos.
Then, as I saw the purple Play-Doh stuck to the seat, my frustration boiled over, and I exclaimed, “Holy crap!” Instantly, I felt guilt wash over me. Here I was, swearing at my kids in a moment of anger. I worried about how this would affect them. My youngest apologized, and I took a moment to calm down, admitting to my children that I shouldn’t have lost my temper or used bad language.
After that incident, I decided to lighten up on my strict no-swearing rule. My kids are now eight and ten, and I’ve established some informal guidelines for curse words:
- It’s never okay to curse at someone, even if they’ve upset you.
- Cursing is absolutely off-limits at school or around other adults. No way am I letting a PTA mom judge me for my child’s use of the word “ridiculous” to describe cafeteria food.
- If someone outside the family is being rude, it’s acceptable to call them out — as long as it stays within our home. This comes with levels of understanding; if my child is upset with someone at school, we talk it out before any cursing is allowed.
So how’s this new approach working? Surprisingly well! My kids still know that some words are best left unsaid in public. They seem to understand that swearing can sometimes make light of a situation. Recently, when my daughter was frustrated with a classmate, she asked if she could curse about it. I said yes, and she chimed in with, “She’s being such a brat!”
We both laughed, and she moved on from it without any lingering negativity. This approach has taken the thrill out of swearing, which is really what I was aiming for. If you’re interested in similar parenting insights, check out this post on home insemination for more stories.
In summary, easing up on my strict no-swearing policy has allowed my kids to express themselves in a controlled manner. The key is setting boundaries while also understanding that the occasional slip-up doesn’t define my parenting.