As the Founder and Executive Director of Family Support Services, I’ve encountered a range of statements from parents navigating the complex landscape of having transgender or non-binary children. Here are just a few examples:
- “My son claims he’s a girl because a friend at school recently transitioned, and he thinks it’s trendy.”
- “My daughter believes she’s a boy because of the YouTube videos she obsessively watches.”
- “Transitioning genders is just a fabrication by internet trolls.”
- “There’s no possible way he can know who he is at 13.”
- “She’s not transgender; she’s just a lesbian who doesn’t understand her own identity.”
Over the years, I’ve sat with hundreds of families, all seeking guidance either through local LGBT centers, online searches, or referrals from healthcare professionals. My mission is to help parents navigate the journey of acceptance, which is crucial for the child’s own path toward understanding and self-acceptance.
Parents often voice their concerns:
- “What if she simply doesn’t grasp puberty and that’s why she thinks she’s a boy?”
- “What if we opt for medical intervention and she later regrets it?”
- “What if we decide against medical interventions and he becomes more depressed?”
I’ve shared these fears myself as my family faced similar challenges when our child came out as transgender. Watching my son’s depression and anxiety escalate was terrifying. I learned that when he expressed his identity, saying he was truly a boy and that living as a girl was harming him, I needed to listen and act.
Before my child transitioned socially, he was quiet and withdrawn. However, after just a year, he transformed into a confident young man who openly shared his experiences, even on camera. This remarkable change illustrates how powerful and transformative transitioning can be for transgender and non-binary individuals.
Family support is critical in this process. When families affirm and validate their children’s identities, it alleviates distress and allows them to rediscover the joy they once had before facing gender dysphoria. Since my son came out seven years ago, I have assisted over 600 families with individuals ranging from ages three to 76.
Research indicates that many of us begin to form an understanding of gender and identity between the ages of three and five. While not all transgender youth vocalize their identities at this young age, some do. When a child states, “I am a boy” or “I am a sister, not a brother,” it’s not merely a phase.
In those early years, I faced numerous well-meaning but misguided comments, such as, “Surely she’s just confused; Fetal Alcohol Syndrome must have affected her brain.” or “I read that kids who claim to be transgender often change their minds as adults and may resent their parents for it. Do you want to risk that?” Though these comments stemmed from concern, they only served to isolate and hurt both the child and the family.
What I emphasize to families now is the importance of listening to their children and respecting their experiences, even when the journey is fraught with complexity. Achieving acceptance can be a daunting task for parents, but once they reach that point, they transform into some of the most tenacious advocates for their children. We understand the struggles our kids face in seeking acceptance and combating discrimination, and we stand beside them in that fight.
Our role as parents, family members, educators, and community members is to ensure that every child feels loved, supported, and accepted just as they are. For more insights on supporting families through these transitions, consider exploring resources like this excellent guide on pregnancy or advice on fertility treatments.
In conclusion, the journey of supporting a transgender child is challenging yet profoundly rewarding. The transformation that comes with acceptance and support can lead to a happier, healthier life for both children and their families.