As a parent of two children who embrace an androgynous style, I often find myself in amusing situations regarding their gender. My son, with his strikingly long eyelashes and captivating facial features, has been mistaken for a girl since infancy. Now that he sports long hair, it’s almost inevitable for others to refer to him as “she.” Conversely, my daughter, who often wears hand-me-downs from her brother, dons a mix of floral dresses and rugged attire like black hoodies and jeans. Although she has a modest amount of hair, she too gets called a “cute little boy” on occasion.
I typically don’t feel the need to correct people; more often than not, my kids are too preoccupied to even notice. If my son catches someone calling him a girl, he sometimes corrects them himself, which I’m perfectly fine with. Generally, we just brush it off because misgendering doesn’t affect our day.
However, when I do choose to correct someone—especially at playgroups where we might see them again—I’m often met with flustered apologies. It’s amusing to see how embarrassed people become over a simple misunderstanding. “Oh, I’m so sorry!” they exclaim, as if they’ve committed a grave offense. But honestly, it’s just a mix-up with pronouns. No harm done!
Especially when my children were infants, I found it perplexing how distressed some people became at guessing their gender incorrectly. After all, who can determine whether a swaddled, squishy baby is a boy or a girl? The moment a doctor announces, “It’s a (something),” that’s the only confirmation I need.
For this reason, I don’t bother correcting strangers. It’s just not worth my time or energy to reassure someone that I’m not offended. And why would I be? I cherish that my kids are growing up in a world where gender isn’t strictly defined. My son, now four, has only recently started to understand the differences between boys and girls. He knows he’s a boy and that his sister is a girl, yet he’s blissfully unaware of societal norms regarding “boy” and “girl” toys or colors.
Both children freely explore what they like without being pigeonholed. They enjoy a mix of activities—playing with trucks and dolls alike, enjoying shows like Blaze & the Monster Machines, and engaging in outdoor fun. Their personalities shine through in different ways: my son is gentle and enjoys quiet reading, while my daughter is adventurous and thrives on excitement. It’s fascinating to watch them develop their unique interests without my influence.
So, don’t stress too much about categorizing them. You have a 50/50 chance, and there’s no winning or losing in this game. No apologies needed. Right now, my kids are simply enjoying being themselves, and that’s what truly matters.
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Summary
Misgendering children can happen, but it’s important to remember that it’s not a significant issue. As a parent, it’s more essential to allow kids the freedom to express themselves without constraining them to gender norms. Both of my children enjoy a variety of interests and activities, showcasing their individuality while growing up in a world that allows for more fluid gender identities.