I hear my daughter drop something on the floor of her room, and I freeze. My rational mind knows there’s no immediate threat, yet my hands tremble, and my whole body stiffens. What’s happening to me? That’s a complicated question with an even more intricate answer.
Here’s the truth: there’s nothing wrong with me; I simply live with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and yes, it affects my daily life. Honestly, it can be emotionally draining to explain my heightened reactions to things that seem completely normal to others. But I’m willing to share a glimpse into my experience in hopes of helping someone else.
First, let’s clarify something important. No one is obligated to explain their trauma, their responses, or their coping mechanisms. I’m sharing my journey in the hope that it may resonate with someone out there. Whether you are living with PTSD or caring for someone who is, open dialogue about this condition benefits us all. Group hug time—let’s get started!
The Phrase “It’s Not You, It’s Me”
The phrase “it’s not you, it’s me” has never felt more appropriate in my situation. My feelings of withdrawal and being triggered by seemingly mundane occurrences are not about the person I’m with. Here are some insights you might not know about being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD.
PTSD Can Affect Anyone
Media portrayals often misrepresent PTSD, suggesting it is exclusive to veterans, first responders, or those in high-risk jobs. While these individuals can certainly experience PTSD, the reality is that 1 in 11 people will be diagnosed with it in their lifetime, according to the American Psychiatric Association.
Think about the first 11 people you know. Are they all in trauma-related fields? Probably not. They could be teachers, stay-at-home parents, college students, or service workers—people who appear to function normally but are battling hidden struggles. Unfortunately, this statistic only counts those diagnosed; many, like me, may live with PTSD without even realizing it.
I fall into that 1 in 11 category without having faced extraordinary circumstances. I haven’t been held hostage or caught in a fire. Fireworks don’t remind me of gunfire; rather, it’s simply the strain of everyday life that has left its mark.
It’s also vital to understand that PTSD may not manifest immediately after a traumatic event. It can take weeks, months, or even years to surface. For me, the roots of my PTSD lie in events that I didn’t initially recognize as traumatic. They were cumulative incidents that spiraled into a complicated situation, which took shape long before I was diagnosed. Loud noises often trigger me—not fireworks or car backfires, but raised voices.
So, if you’re on the phone expressing frustration with a customer service agent, my body interprets your raised voice as a precursor to something far more dangerous. It’s not your yelling; it’s my body misreading the situation.
Living with PTSD
There’s no single way to cope with PTSD. What matters is giving yourself the freedom to pursue a fulfilling life despite your challenges. This could mean confiding in a trusted friend or seeking therapy and medication. Do what you need to do to enjoy a quality life.
Self-care is essential for everyone, but for those with PTSD, it becomes non-negotiable. It goes beyond bubble baths and pedicures; self-care can be as simple as avoiding triggering situations. If you find yourself reacting disproportionately or in a state of panic for unclear reasons, it’s not selfish to step back and reassess. SELF-CARE IS NOT SELFISH. I emphasize this because it’s crucial to understand that prioritizing your well-being is essential.
Advocating for yourself can be challenging, but it’s where your loved ones come into play. Don’t hesitate to reach out to those who care about you. Likewise, if you’re in a relationship with someone navigating PTSD, offer your support and communicate openly about their triggers and self-care needs.
In any relationship, communication and mutual understanding are key. It may not always be easy—trust me, I know—but it is always worth it. Because you are worth it, and you deserve love.
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Summary
This article discusses the complexities of living with PTSD and how it affects relationships. It emphasizes the importance of understanding, communication, and self-care for both individuals with PTSD and their partners. The author shares personal experiences to shed light on the everyday challenges faced by those living with this condition.