It all begins before bedtime. We have a queen-sized bed paired with a twin sidecar, yet our 3-year-old still insists on sleeping with us. After nursing him to sleep, I quietly try to join my partner for some adult time. But as soon as we settle down, Lucas, our toddler, starts to stir. His soft whimpers soon escalate into a full-blown cry, the kind that can either fade back into slumber or turn into a torrential wail. I reach over, cover him up, and give him a few soothing pats. He quiets down, and I think I can finally relax.
But the crying resumes. It’s nearly midnight, and this kid should be asleep already — he was up until 9 p.m. as it is. I wait it out, but the cries only intensify. I stroke his back again, and he drifts into a restless sleep, occasionally kicking or moaning. I brace myself for yet another long night ahead.
It’s a common misconception that only babies have trouble sleeping. Toddlers and preschoolers can be just as challenging.
By 6 a.m., Lucas is up, demanding his morning “mama milk.” I typically reserve nursing for bedtime, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I groggily pull down one side of my shirt, and he latches on like a hungry little piranha. After a few minutes, just as I start to drift back into dreamland, he screeches for “the other mama milk.” Fine, whatever. I flip him over and repeat the cycle, hoping to catch some more sleep.
Then, out of nowhere, he declares, “I awake!” and bounces into the living room. I can only imagine the mess he’s about to create, and I hope my partner has already brewed some coffee as I shuffle into the hallway.
Understanding Sleep Needs
According to parenting experts, children aged 1 to 2 typically need 11 to 14 hours of sleep, including two naps. For 3- to 5-year-olds, the requirement drops to 10 to 13 hours, usually with one nap that is often phased out around age 5. However, Lucas dropped his nap at just 2 years old. Guidelines suggest establishing a bedtime routine, discouraging late-night wanderings, and offering a comfort item to ease nighttime fears.
Parenting author Mia Johnson notes that sleep disruptions may arise from toddlers grappling with control and independence — needing to assert themselves in various aspects of their lives, not just at bedtime. Factors such as a new sibling, starting preschool, dietary changes, or a parent returning to work can also contribute to sleep issues. Potty training, too much daytime sleep, or an early bedtime might play a role.
Yet, none of these reasons seem to apply to my little one’s sleep struggles. Thanks for nothing, Mia.
I know I’m not alone in this. Another parent, Sarah, shares that her 3-year-old has similar sleep woes. “He’s impossible to put on a schedule,” she explains. After exhausting attempts at imposing a routine from infancy, she finally threw in the towel at 18 months. Now, he’s more of a night owl, sleeping through the day and wanting to be active all night long. I totally relate.
Despite what experts claim, my Lucas should still be napping at least once a day — but we learned the hard way that if he naps, he won’t be asleep until the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes, we can’t prevent him from dozing off, like in the car, and we just pray he doesn’t snooze too long, or it’ll throw off everyone’s sleep, including his siblings who might try to sneak into our bed while he’s still wide awake.
Sleep Issues Are Common
Valerie Kirk, a sleep specialist from Alberta Children’s Hospital, points out that nearly 40% of children will face sleep issues by age 18. This includes any problems related to falling or staying asleep that affect the child or the family. It’s a relief to know we’re not alone in this struggle. I’m optimistic that one day, my other kids will follow in their older sibling’s footsteps, sleeping soundly through the night.
To all the parents dealing with sleep-deprived toddlers, you’re in good company. Solidarity!
Additional Resources
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In summary, both toddlers and preschoolers can experience significant sleep challenges, impacting not just them but the entire family. While expert advice may help some, every child is unique, and finding a solution is often a journey of trial and error.