Before I became a mother, I had no inkling of the many roles I would adopt post-birth, beyond the simple title of “Mom.” But apparently, that’s just the beginning. Once you enter motherhood, you find yourself categorized based on your feeding choices, sleep techniques, discipline styles, and every conceivable aspect of parenting. Every little action you take contributes to your “motherhood identity.” We’re not just Moms; we’re classified as “specific types” of Moms.
I identify as a “Working Mom.” The comments I’ve received that make me want to pull my (already thinning) hair out inspired me to write this piece. Most of these remarks come from stay-at-home moms (SAHMs—yet another label). I know your intentions aren’t to offend, but here’s a guide on what not to say to your working mom friends.
- “I can’t believe you chose to go back to work! I’ve decided to stay home with my kids; we’ll never get this time back.”
For starters, it wasn’t exactly a choice for many of us. Living on a single income isn’t feasible for most families. For me, staying home was never an option—it simply wasn’t in the cards. Secondly, you’re not revealing anything new. Trust me, I’m aware of the fleeting nature of time with my little ones. Unless you’re suggesting I have access to a time machine (which would be awesome).Conversely, for many, returning to work is indeed a choice. We love our jobs; they’re integral to our identities beyond motherhood. Besides, some of our skills are vital. Next time you request a female pediatrician, gynecologist, or child psychologist, think about where you’d be if we all “decided” to stay home.
- “You have no idea how hard it is to be a SAHM. At work, you get lunch breaks, social time, and can pee without an audience, while I’m overwhelmed with errands, meal prep, and laundry.”
Actually, I’ve spent countless days with my children—weekends, holidays, sick days. So yes, I do know what it’s like to be home with them all day. And guess what? At work, I don’t really get breaks either! The errands and planning? They’re squeezed into lunch breaks and those precious moments when I can sneak away to the restroom. After work, I still face the same household tasks—cooking dinner, prepping lunches, and cleaning. - “But there’s so much more mess to clean up with kids at home than in daycare.”
I manage to create quite a mess in just a few hours before we leave for work and daycare. If I have time to tidy up before heading out, I can guarantee there will be more messes waiting for us after work, right in the middle of preparing dinner. Our kids still eat the same amount whether they’re home or away; meals are cooked and lunchboxes cleaned after we return. - “I feel sorry for you, missing out on so much with your kids.”
While I appreciate your concern, this sentiment can come off as condescending. No one likes to be pitied, and it feels as though you’re implying I’ve made poor life choices. Believe me, I know it’s not a competition. My life is busy, but I assure you, it’s not about comparing struggles. I wish there was less misunderstanding about the realities of working moms and how “easy” our lives are. They’re not.
We’re all navigating our paths in this journey of motherhood, whether through a home insemination kit or other means. In fact, if you’re interested in exploring this topic, check out this resource on effective home insemination. For more insights, visit Progyny’s blog on pregnancy and home insemination, or explore this healing journey for more support.
In summary, let’s be mindful of the language we use regarding motherhood. Instead of fostering competition, let’s embrace solidarity and understanding.