One of the key tenets of parenting is to refrain from comparing our children to others. It’s a lesson I know, yet I find myself frequently falling into the comparison trap. While I recognize that my kids are unique and perfect just as they are, I can’t help but worry about their well-being. I fret over their mental and physical health, their social interactions, and whether they will face challenges in various areas of life, including academics and sports.
I understand that facing challenges is essential for children to develop resilience and learn to bounce back from difficulties. However, as a parent, my instincts often lead me to compare my children to one another and to others, driven by the desire to ensure they’re thriving.
For instance, my older two children have always been academically inclined. They are enthusiastic about reading, writing, and all things educational. I, too, had a passion for literature as a child, eventually becoming an English teacher and writer. This shared passion creates a bond among us—a trio of book lovers surrounded by stories, journals, and sticky notes filled with favorite quotes.
In contrast, my youngest, whom we playfully refer to as our “gorilla baby,” shows little interest in reading or writing. His favorite activities revolve around recess, lunch, and gym class, and he often finds it challenging to stay seated long enough to write letters. While his older siblings could write their names and engage in storytelling before kindergarten, my gorilla baby struggled even to hold a pencil for long.
At just four years old, writing his name was a monumental task requiring significant motivation—like bribing him with Skittles. Even by kindergarten, he hadn’t yet mastered writing his full name, often leaving off the last letter because his little fingers were too tired to finish.
It’s easy for a worried parent, like me, to stress over their child’s writing abilities, especially when other kids their age seem to excel. I often found myself anxious that my son wasn’t measuring up, particularly since I had seen my older kids mastering writing at an early age.
However, upon reflection, I wish I had taken the time to breathe deeply and let go of those comparisons. It’s essential to realize that many children aged three to five still struggle with writing. A recent post from Perth Children’s Occupational Therapy highlights that most children can’t form letters until nearly five years old and that expecting them to write complex letters before this age is unrealistic.
The article emphasizes that many young children are not physically or developmentally ready to write. It’s common for kids to experiment with letters on their own, but they shouldn’t be pressured to form them correctly at such an early stage. This pressure can lead to frustration, affecting their relationship with learning.
Writing challenges for preschoolers also stem from their developing reading skills. If a child doesn’t understand the sounds letters make, forming those letters becomes even more daunting. The reality is that not all kids, including my son, can write neatly or legibly at this age.
Despite the temptation to push my child toward writing, I now understand the importance of allowing him to develop at his own pace. It’s vital to expose children to letters and reading in a relaxed manner. Engaging them in activities like reading books together, discussing print in their environment, and playing with letters can foster a love for learning without the pressure to perform.
My son, now seven and in 2nd grade, has come a long way. He reads and writes, although he still prefers physical activities over academics. He still needs regular breaks to move around, which is perfectly fine. I wish I could reassure that earlier version of myself that my son was doing just fine, and there was no need for comparison.
He may have learned to write his name later than his siblings, but he has excelled in other areas, like sports and humor. At four, he was uniquely himself, and I wish I had celebrated that instead of worrying about his writing abilities.
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In summary, it’s entirely normal for pre-kindergarten children to struggle with writing. Each child develops at their own pace, and avoiding comparisons can alleviate unnecessary stress for both parents and children. Engaging with letters and reading in a fun, pressure-free environment is key to fostering a love for learning.