I recently discovered on social media that my ex-partner, the father of my child, is now dating someone new. In a cheerful post, he shared a picture of himself and this new woman, both grinning and donning matching T-shirts, while he held our dog. My heart sank, and I quickly exited the app, my hands trembling.
Even though it’s been a year since we broke up, I fully understand that he has the right to find happiness with someone else. However, when co-parenting is involved, it complicates things. We shared a life for over six years and have a child together, so this isn’t just any ex. I felt blindsided discovering this news through social media, especially when he claims to still consider me a friend.
It’s so easy to put on a brave face and pretend you’re thrilled for your ex, even when you’re grappling with a whirlwind of emotions inside. Society often dictates that once a relationship ends, you’re allowed a short period to grieve before moving on. Yet, this is much easier said than done.
If it were a typical ex you never had to see again, moving on might be straightforward. But with a shared child, you’ll inevitably have to interact regularly, which can bring back memories that make it harder to see him with someone else.
Since I found out about his new girlfriend two months ago, I’ve experienced a full spectrum of feelings. Anger surfaced, not only at him for not informing me sooner but also for being the first to move on. I’ve relived the heartbreak of our breakup, feared being alone forever, and tried to muster genuine happiness for him—but sometimes that happiness feels elusive. Each new post or picture can reopen the emotional wounds.
I’ve come to accept that my feelings are valid, and I own them, even when it feels overwhelming. My ex and our son are very close, so I see him frequently, sometimes handing over our child and other times spending time together as a family unit. This can trigger a wave of nostalgia and hurt, reminding me of what we once had.
Curiosity about his new partner is natural; I admit to peeking at her social media and asking questions about their relationship (I’ll plead the fifth on the specifics). While he doesn’t owe me every detail about his new romance, he does need to communicate how it intersects with our lives, particularly regarding our child. You have every right to set boundaries about when and how your child meets this new person.
No matter your feelings about his new partner, it’s essential to remain neutral around your child. Your feelings, though valid, shouldn’t color their perception of the situation.
There’s no single way to process the end of a relationship; each day can bring about new emotions. You’re allowed to feel what you feel, and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about it. Whether he dates someone new or settles down, you will eventually reach a point where their relationship won’t hold as much power over your emotions. You’ll find your own joy again. So, if you need to cry into a pint of ice cream, scream into a pillow, or just take some time for yourself—do it. It’s all part of the healing journey.
For more insights on navigating relationships and parenting, check out resources like Women’s Health Pregnancy and New Dads. And if you’re exploring parenting options, consider resources like the BabyMaker Home Insemination Kit for comprehensive guides.
In summary, having feelings about your ex moving on is entirely normal, especially when you share a child. Allow yourself the space to feel and process these emotions while remaining healthy and supportive for your children. Remember, healing takes time, but you will find your way to happiness.