“When you want your kids to share the significant moments in their lives as they grow up, make sure to listen to the small things when they’re young.”
This insight is perhaps the most profound parenting advice I’ve ever encountered. I embraced it wholeheartedly when my children were little, and now that they’re older, I recognize its true significance.
Parents often express frustration over their children’s lack of listening skills, yet we seldom reflect on whether we are genuinely listening to them. I, too, have been guilty of zoning out, so I understand this struggle. However, over time, I’ve realized how essential it is to model good listening habits for our children.
One of our primary roles as parents is to guide our kids in effective communication. Communication encompasses not only sharing our thoughts but also actively listening, asking clarifying questions, and thoughtfully considering what others express.
If we neglect these practices in our everyday interactions with our children, we risk undermining a vital aspect of communication. This oversight can have lasting repercussions. While I feel I’ve stumbled in various areas of motherhood, I take pride in how I’ve approached this particular facet.
My teenage and pre-teen daughters often come to me to talk things through—sometimes it feels like it’s a constant stream of dialogue. Our late-night discussions have become some of my most cherished moments of parenting, even amidst my fatigue and the urge to wrap up the conversation to get some sleep.
I attribute their willingness to open up, at least in part, to the fact that I’ve consistently made an effort to give them my undivided attention since they were young, whether they were sharing a new idea, discussing an emotion, or bombarding me with a flurry of questions.
Listening can be challenging. It’s not always easy to pay attention to a child narrating a story or explaining something that doesn’t pique your interest. Repeating this over and over, year after year, can feel tedious. Yet, I’ve done my best to engage nonetheless, wanting to provide my children with an example of active listening, even when it required a bit of feigned enthusiasm.
Now that I’m at a stage where I genuinely want them to share the exciting moments with me, I see the fruits of my labor. They understand that I will listen and take their feelings seriously. They feel safe discussing personal or sensitive topics with me, trusting that I will approach those conversations thoughtfully.
They know my love for them is unwavering, that they can always count on me as a sounding board, and that I will respond to their inquiries with honesty. Through my example, they have also begun to cultivate their own listening skills. They don’t get it right all the time—who does?—but I see those abilities blossoming in my older children, which brings me joy. This gives me hope for my younger child, who is still learning to navigate open communication.
If we want our kids to engage openly with us, it’s essential to remember that communication is a reciprocal process. If we don’t give them space to express themselves, and if we don’t listen—even when it feels tedious—they may assume that we’re uninterested and seek connection elsewhere.
“If you want your kids to share the significant things when they grow up, listen to them when they discuss the little things when they’re young.” To children, everything is significant. By demonstrating that we value their thoughts, we encourage them to continue sharing what matters to them.
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In summary, effective communication with our children requires active listening and engagement. By fostering an open dialogue from an early age, we set a foundation for trust and understanding as they grow.