In our family, luxury vacations aren’t in the cards, so this past spring break, we opted for a “staycation.” I was determined to make it memorable.
I proposed that one day could be spent at the local amusement park, another exploring the city, and each of my kids could choose a local park to visit. I even suggested we could have picnics, create sidewalk chalk art, craft murals, or conduct science experiments. I asked them, “What do you want to do?” with genuine enthusiasm, hoping to ensure our time together was enjoyable.
“Umm…” my 9-year-old son replied, “I want one afternoon to play Monopoly because you always say you’ll play, but you never do. And I’d like to spend another day finishing that play script Dad and I started a year ago.”
I was taken aback. As a parent with multiple children, I often grapple with the feeling of not providing enough individual attention, but hearing it so clearly from him struck a chord.
I appreciated his honesty, but it also stirred up memories. I thought back to when he was just five years old, and I was expecting his little sister. I wanted him to have a sibling, yet I was anxious about how it would alter the special bond we shared. The hours spent playing games, reading, cooking, and drawing felt like they would vanish the moment his sister arrived.
In many ways, I was right to worry, and that guilt lingers. While we still connect over crafts and science projects, these moments are often interrupted by the chaos that comes with having a younger sibling. My daughter sometimes disrupts our time together by knocking over baking ingredients or spilling paint on his artwork.
I sometimes wonder if my daughter is at a disadvantage compared to her brother. Although I stay home with her while he’s at school, our routine is busier. Early mornings to drop him off, countless errands, and an ever-busy household leave me drained and less capable of creating a fun environment.
This struggle is common among parents of multiple children, leading to persistent feelings of guilt over not spending enough quality time with each child.
Despite the challenges, I don’t regret having more than one child. The sibling bond they are forming, despite the squabbles, is invaluable. They are learning that the world doesn’t revolve around them and that flexibility and sharing are crucial life lessons.
Yet, I often wish I could dedicate more undistracted time to each child. It breaks my heart to think about it.
My son and I did take an afternoon to play Monopoly, while my husband entertained our daughter. Secluded in his room, we laughed, strategized over property purchases, and exchanged playful jabs. When our time was cut short by dinner time and my daughter’s cries, I took a moment to treasure the experience.
I felt a twinge of guilt as we packed up the game. “Sorry we didn’t finish,” I said. “It’s OK,” he replied, “I pretty much won anyway.” His soft smile and genuine “me too” as he dashed off to join his siblings reassured me that the time spent together mattered.
Perhaps these imperfect moments are how parenting will be for now, coming in bursts rather than long, uninterrupted stretches. I trust that my kids will remember these instances of joy and connection rather than the times we didn’t quite finish or fully engage.
I’m committed to spending more afternoons like that one with both my children. We don’t need grand adventures; simply being together is what counts. I’ll remind myself that even fleeting moments are significant to my kids, and I can give them that.
Of course, the feeling that I could always do more will linger, but that’s part of the parenting journey.
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In summary, while the quest to balance time among multiple children can be overwhelming, it’s essential to remember the significance of even the simplest moments spent together.