Parenting isn’t for everyone, and that’s perfectly fine. Many individuals choose to live fulfilling lives without children, and that’s a valid decision. Currently, the trend shows a decline in birth rates in the United States, yet people will continue to have kids. That’s just how life unfolds.
As a mother of four, aged between 13 and 5, I have a wealth of experience in parenting at various stages—save for the baby or toddler years. If you consider the early years from zero to four, I have a collective sixteen years of experience with those ages. Unfortunately, the world can be unkind to both children and parents. This challenge extends beyond the toddler phase; some adults simply don’t like kids, and that can be tough for parents to navigate.
Adults without children often have unrealistic expectations of how kids should behave. They see children as miniature adults, forgetting that kids are just that—kids. It’s unrealistic to expect them to meet adult standards. Children should be free to engage in society, even if some believe they shouldn’t be seen or heard.
Babies can be loud and fussy, whether at home, in a grocery store, on a plane, or at church. Once, at church, a woman insisted I take my 14-month-old out because he was “disturbing” her with his cheerful babbling. Instead of leaving, I stayed, informed the pastor, and wrote a blog post about why people like her should rethink their attitudes. While it felt cathartic, it also left me disheartened. How can one be intolerant of an innocent child?
As kids grow, we expect more from them. They should be able to sit still and be quieter for longer periods. However, this isn’t true for all children, and that’s okay. No one should dictate how your child should behave unless you’re actively seeking advice from a professional like a doctor or teacher. We must remind ourselves of this truth, even if it’s challenging to develop a thick skin.
I want to clarify that I don’t view every child-free person as intolerant. I’m addressing a specific group that seems to forget they were once children themselves. None of us entered this world as fully-formed adults; we all had our noisy and messy moments.
I respect those who choose not to have kids, and I strive to ensure my children behave appropriately around them. Sometimes that succeeds, and sometimes it doesn’t—kids can be overwhelming if you’re not used to their energy. However, I shouldn’t have to suppress my child’s personality to please an adult. Grace is key here; it’s about adults taking a moment to breathe and recognize that kids are just being kids.
Just as I don’t judge how you should live your child-free life, you shouldn’t judge my parenting. We’re all trying to navigate this chaotic world while caring for others. Parenting is not for the faint-hearted, and I assure you, we’re doing our best.
Children will always be a part of our lives. Thank goodness, or humanity would cease to exist! Adults need to mature; a child’s brain doesn’t fully develop until around age 25. So why do we hold young kids to such high expectations? It’s not fair to the child or the parent who feels judged for their child’s behavior.
To those without children: When you see a parent struggling with a child, remember that you were once that child. You weren’t perfect then, and it took time and patience from many adults to shape you into who you are today. Treat children with respect and kindness, as you’d like to be treated. Remember the adage: “Be Kind.” Kids will grow up quickly, and they’re always observing adults around them.
If you want to dive deeper into related topics, check out our other blog post here, or explore more resources like this for expert insights. For those interested in the science of parenting, this resource provides valuable information on genetics and IVF.
Summary:
Choosing not to have children is a valid lifestyle, but it’s crucial to treat children with kindness and understanding. Parents face unique challenges, and unrealistic expectations from non-parents can add to the stress. By fostering empathy and respect for both children and parents, society can create a more supportive environment for everyone.