This week, my youngest child reaches the milestone of thirteen, officially making me the parent of three teenagers. (It’s no wonder those gray hairs are multiplying.) Navigating the teenage years is incredibly intense. When they were younger, I held the reins on their lives—deciding their breakfast, TV choices, friends, and bedtimes. How much could I possibly mess that up? Even if breakfast was less than ideal, I could always make it up at lunch. Now, they’re making choices that could have significant and lasting repercussions, and I feel the clock ticking as I strive to impart essential life lessons.
The constant anxiety about online safety, substance use, their future, safe relationships, and the dangers of distracted driving weighs heavily on my mind. And yes, I worry about whether they remembered to wear clean underwear, because if they didn’t and something happened, I’d be judged as a terrible mother who raised a bunch of wildlings.
To all the mothers of older kids who once offered me sympathy when I was a new parent—sleep-deprived and disheveled, barely functioning due to constant demands—you told me, “Don’t worry. It gets easier.” I held onto that hope, envisioning a light at the end of the tunnel that I couldn’t yet see.
As my clingy baby evolved into a toddler who wouldn’t let me out of his sight, I continuously repeated those words of encouragement. After enduring years filled with smelly diapers, toppled Christmas trees, and grocery store tantrums, I kept hoping for easier days. Through all the bodily fluids and chaos, I held onto the notion that it would eventually become manageable.
However, the reality is, I’ve come to realize that motherhood doesn’t necessarily get easier. Yes, I’ve traded in the days of kissing boo-boos for comforting broken hearts. Sleepless nights spent soothing a restless infant have transformed into sleepless nights worrying about the choices my teens might make in my absence—choices that could alter their lives and mine forever. I’ve shifted from singing “The Wheels on the Bus” to repeating “Be Responsible” and trading “What’s that?” for “How can people be so cruel?”
And yes, they still demand food—constantly. That hasn’t changed.
I do have some small victories: I can now leave the house without a small human attached to me, I can sleep longer than three hours at a stretch, and I haven’t had a child vomit on me in months. But in many ways, things are undoubtedly more challenging. (And let’s face it, they are not nearly as cute anymore!)
When you said, “Don’t worry. It gets easier,” I mistakenly interpreted it to mean life would return to some semblance of normalcy. I envisioned being able to make decisions based on my own desires rather than the needs of my family. I longed for the carefree version of myself, one not weighed down by the responsibilities of raising children.
But after becoming a parent, the idea of “normal” shifts. Sometimes, it means wearing the same old sweatpants because nothing else is clean, learning to dodge Legos, and keeping chocolate hidden on top of the fridge. It can mean functioning on little sleep while still loving this chaotic life. Sometimes it’s about bandaging skinned knees and navigating tricky conversations. And amidst it all, the new normal is a love so profound it’s almost painful.
Being the mother of three teenagers means establishing boundaries and watching them stumble, all while providing reassurance. It’s about engaging in difficult discussions and trying to ignore the eye rolls while stepping back to let them learn from their mistakes. The new normal involves trusting them to make wise choices and loving them even when they falter.
This isn’t easy. But it’s the reality we live in.
So, to the moms of little ones out there, disregard those who claim it gets easier. They mean well, but they’re mistaken. While things may not become easier, they do change. Your children won’t be the same as they were last month or even last week, and the good news is that you won’t be either. You’ll grow, learn, and adapt.
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Summary:
Motherhood is often mischaracterized as becoming easier over time; instead, it evolves into new challenges. As children grow, parents face different responsibilities and emotional hurdles, especially during the teenage years. This article highlights the ongoing trials of parenting while emphasizing personal growth and adaptation.