When I learned I was expecting my second son, I experienced a mix of emotions. While I was certain that I would love him deeply, I felt a twinge of sadness knowing I wouldn’t have a daughter. It wasn’t about wanting a child to braid hair or chat about fashion—those activities never really appealed to me. I fully understood that having a girl doesn’t guarantee a “girly” child; after all, gender is a social construct. However, I did fall into the trap of believing that a daughter would be inherently more sensitive and emotionally expressive—someone with whom I could share a profound, lifelong bond similar to that of my closest female friends.
Of course, I also considered the potential drama of navigating teenage years with a daughter, complete with shared mood swings and emotional outbursts. Now, after nearly a decade of parenting my two sons, I can confidently say I was mistaken—completely mistaken. Boys are just as emotional as girls. They can experience intense mood swings and express their feelings openly. They are capable of forming deep emotional connections and sharing their innermost thoughts and worries with you. That is, if you allow them to.
Like many others, I initially bought into gender stereotypes. However, I made a conscious decision from the start to encourage my boys to explore and express their emotions. When they were little, if they fell apart over something as trivial as the shape of their toast, I acknowledged their feelings as valid, even if it frustrated me. If they cried after getting hurt, I never told them to “man up.” Instead, I equipped them with the tools to be strong while reinforcing that their feelings were not something to suppress or be ashamed of.
As it turns out, my boys are full of emotions—they’re emotional whirlwinds! Recently, we faced a significant change: we bought a new car. After 15 years with our trusty old Honda, it was time for an upgrade. My boys didn’t take the news well. My 9-year-old, in tears, pleaded with us to keep the old car, exclaiming, “But it’s the only car I’ve ever known!” Meanwhile, my 3-year-old nestled against me on the toilet (because where else would we have an important conversation?) and voiced, “Mommy, I’m sad. I don’t like change.”
This emotional response wasn’t limited to just the car. A week prior, I attempted to replace an old quilt on my bed. Despite its ragged state, both boys were surprisingly attached to it, especially my 9-year-old, who reacted dramatically to the change.
While their emotional attachment extends to objects, it also encompasses their feelings towards me. They share their dreams, fears, and thoughts without hesitation. I can only imagine the emotional rollercoaster that awaits us as they hit puberty.
However, I’ve noticed a distinct difference in how my boys interact with their friends, especially their male peers. They tend to be less expressive with them and even a bit more reserved around their dad. This suggests that societal expectations around masculinity may influence them.
Despite this, I strive to provide a safe environment where they can express themselves freely. As they grow and become more influenced by their peers, I hope they carry with them the understanding that emotions are a normal and healthy part of life—regardless of gender.
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In summary, the myth that boys are less emotional than girls is simply untrue. Boys can be just as sensitive and expressive if allowed the freedom to explore their feelings. It’s essential to create an environment where they feel safe to share their emotions, regardless of societal expectations.