Feeling lonely and unseen wasn’t solely the result of my postpartum depression, although it certainly played a role. I was utterly isolated, grappling with a profound sense of loneliness. Many new stay-at-home parents might echo this sentiment, but where’s the proof? Could my experiences be validated? Weren’t others just as solitary in their lives? After all, they go to work, interact with colleagues, and spend their days in an office. They don’t engage in deep conversations or share their sorrows and joys, right? This was especially true for men, who often have limited social support and return to the office while their female counterparts usually remain home.
Back in 2016, I often found myself in a position that felt all too familiar. I could go weeks without conversing with anyone or even seeing another person. My responsibilities—nursing, napping every couple of hours, pumping, cleaning—kept me tethered to the house.
“What do you mean you’re lonely? I just go to work and don’t talk to anyone about my life either. Going to work isn’t social interaction,” my husband would argue.
“You don’t need to be friends to interact with people. They actually talk to you with their voices, and they look at you while doing it,” I countered. “This isn’t a privilege; it’s not about me living a life you don’t have. We’re all lonely, but your loneliness isn’t the same kind of isolation I’m experiencing.”
Fast forward to 2019: I was now a stay-at-home mom of two, still feeling isolated despite having fewer severe mental health issues than in 2016. My social interactions were still minimal, especially with a toddler and an infant. But everything shifted when a few months ago, our entire world turned upside down because of the pandemic. Suddenly, my isolation was echoed by everyone around me, including my husband, who once left me feeling milk-stained and hysterical when we had our first child.
Now, he was working from home, spending more time with our kids and even with me. He could complete his work and then actually be present with us. It was incredible—until it wasn’t.
Recently, he confessed that while he enjoyed working from home, he felt isolated. He missed the social interactions, the camaraderie with coworkers, and those everyday conversations that make us feel connected. He finally understood what I had been trying to articulate since 2016.
In that moment, it hit me hard. I instinctively exclaimed, “Exactly! This is what I’ve been saying for the past four years!”
Self-isolation became a reality for many recently, but for some of us, it has been our daily existence for years. You don’t need to be in quarantine to feel isolated. You don’t need validation from society to recognize the real experiences you have faced. If you’ve felt this way before, just without the added challenges of a pandemic, I want you to know that I see you.
I understand that some may argue that what stay-at-home parents experience isn’t true isolation, claiming that everyone lacks connection. While I acknowledge the truth in some of those sentiments, I also recognize how narrow-minded they can be. For me, it has been four long years of feeling confined within four walls, with little else to connect to.
And now, at last, my husband gets it.
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Summary
The article discusses the author’s journey through isolation as a stay-at-home parent and how a global pandemic helped her husband finally understand her feelings of loneliness. It highlights the difference between feeling isolated and merely being lonely, emphasizing that many individuals experience isolation long before the pandemic became widespread.