As a parent, I often find myself juggling my children’s requests and societal expectations. Recently, my kids have been clamoring for a visit to the fast-food drive-thru, a special treat after their therapy sessions every other Wednesday. My ten-year-old daughter loves it, and her five-year-old brother enjoys it by association.
Yet, every time I consider indulging them, I feel the need to justify my choices. I want to explain why I occasionally allow those processed oils to touch their lips and why I often toss out those plastic toys that only serve as midnight trip hazards. I assure you, I have my reasons. I even specify that it’s an “every other Wednesday” treat to fend off any judgment about our eating habits.
This internal struggle is something many parents can relate to. Perhaps your shame doesn’t come from a Happy Meal but from too much screen time or sneaking candy before breakfast.
“Sorry, kids. I think McDonald’s is closed,” I might say, not to protect them from the perceived horrors of fast food but out of an overwhelming fear—not just of the ongoing pandemic, but also of public scrutiny.
Isolation Shaming: A New Form of Mom-Shaming
Isolation shaming has emerged as the new form of mom-shaming. If you don’t have children or haven’t felt the weight of this phenomenon, prepare yourself for a wild experience. In today’s world, something as mundane as ordering take-out can turn a parent into both a hero and a villain; supporting local businesses while potentially endangering employees. Is curbside pickup safer than delivery? Or is delivery the better option?
I long for a socially-distanced walk with a friend or to share a drink while keeping a safe distance. While some might applaud these efforts to connect, others might mockingly compare waving from across the street to a full-blown party.
The judgment is relentless. You shouldn’t breastfeed in public; formula is the better choice. Alternatively, formula is deemed toxic. Working mothers are criticized as if they are dooming their children to a life of misbehavior.
It seems that everyone is viewing isolation in stark black-and-white terms, ignoring the many shades of gray. Each of us believes our approach to motherhood and isolation is the only correct one. Fear breeds judgment, and in these times, judgment is a way to cling to a sense of control that feels increasingly elusive.
The Weight of External Factors
As a mother dealing with anxiety, I understand how the weight of external factors can drain your spirit, leaving you feeling like a mere shell of your former self. We are all battling our own fears and grief, seeking outlets for our frustrations. It’s tough to confront uncomfortable emotions and acknowledge they simply exist. If we can be absolutely certain of our choices, we might alleviate some anxiety, but others are doing the same in ways that conflict with our views—leading to a spiral of shared shame and indignation.
The intersection of isolation shaming and parental judgment becomes even murkier when we balance our professional lives with our children’s education. How do we determine where to draw the line between mental health and crisis schooling?
Each family assesses what is essential for their wellbeing—what is vital for one might not be for another. We are all making compromises. Unless you’re living completely off the grid, you’re likely facing some trade-offs. For some, maintaining a strict schedule for their kids brings comfort, while others know that adding the “teacher” role to their lives would lead to burnout. Some parents must work outside the home to afford basic necessities, while others can afford to wait it out without income.
Compassion in a Time of Judgment
This discussion isn’t about those who blatantly disregard safety or those who think the pandemic is a hoax. I’m talking about the parents who are genuinely scared and trying their best, yet feel constantly judged. If we fail to acknowledge the nuances in each situation, we risk losing our compassion—something desperately needed during these times.
The truth is, we still have so much to learn about this virus. In a perfect world, we could always make the right choices, but the reality is that what is “right” is constantly evolving. Ideally, we would all remain indoors, but we live in a world that requires us to do the best we can with the information available to us.
Further Insights
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In summary, the pressure to be the perfect parent amid a pandemic can lead to isolation shaming, a new form of criticism that many face today. As we navigate our choices, it is essential to foster compassion and understanding in a world where the ‘right’ decision is constantly shifting.