Parenting Insights
Every morning, I wrestle my little ones into their car seats, and we set off for preschool and kindergarten, jamming to the latest Top 40 hits. We tune into whatever’s playing, and as long as it has a solid beat and catchy melody, we’re content. I don’t scrutinize the lyrics; my kids are young enough that they miss most of the innuendos and often mispronounce the words anyway. Our at-home dance parties feature some suggestive tracks (like Katy Perry’s “Peacock” and Icona Pop’s “I Love It”), and once, I accidentally burned the explicit versions onto a CD for daycare—definitely not one of my finest parenting moments.
While I generally overlook song lyrics, I find myself bristling at one particular track that’s climbing the charts, especially since I seem to hear it every time I turn on the radio:
“Gonna wear that dress you like, skin-tight
Do my hair up real, real nice
And syncopate my skin to your heart beating
‘Cause I just wanna look good for you, good for you
I just wanna look good for you, good for you
Let me show you how proud I am to be yours
Leave this dress a mess on the floor
And still look good for you, good for you”
– “Good For You” by Mia Thompson
How is it that I can roll my eyes at songs celebrating partying and promiscuity but feel unsettled by this one? The difference lies in the message. While those party anthems may not promote the best ideas, at least they portray the singer as self-assured.
When I put myself in the singer’s shoes, the line “I just want to look good for you” sends a disheartening message:
- My efforts are only for someone else, not for myself.
- Your opinion of my appearance is what truly matters, and I’m willing to cater to that.
- My self-worth hinges on your validation, implying I’m not enough as I am.
From a young age, my daughter will be inundated with messages about beauty, many of which are unhealthy. She already delights in dressing up in frilly outfits and pretending to be older, which I’m fine with—as long as she embraces her spirited nature and doesn’t let appearance dictate her self-worth. If she views dressing up as fun rather than an obligation, I’m supportive.
In contrast, the lyrics of Mia Thompson’s song suggest that one should conform to someone else’s standards. They portray the singer as more of an ornament than a person, placing undue emphasis on external validation. The refrain “just wanna look good for you” feels like it’s saying, “My own opinion is irrelevant.”
This pervasive mindset is something I want my children to avoid. I’m not shunning Mia Thompson; her aim was likely just to produce a chart-topping song. My priority is to raise confident children who are secure in their identities and only alter their appearance for their own enjoyment.
So, what’s the lesson here? It’s essential to recognize and question harmful messages, and to teach my kids to do the same. I want them to understand that self-assurance holds more weight than physical allure. I aim for my daughter to realize that if she chooses to enhance her looks, it should be for her joy, with anyone else’s approval being a pleasant bonus. I hope she will think critically about anyone who suggests she needs to change to be appealing. Likewise, I aspire for my son to appreciate women who are authentic, confident, and true to themselves as the most attractive kind.
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In summary, it’s vital for us as parents to cultivate an environment where our children can thrive without the pressures of conforming to external beauty standards, focusing instead on self-love and confidence.