Navigating the journey of parenthood can often feel overwhelming. Amid the sweet laughter and the tender moments that come with watching a child grow, the task of guiding a young human through their formative years can prove to be incredibly challenging. After seventeen years in this role, I can confidently assert that parenting is a complex and often maddening experience.
The reality is that our children are not the source of our frustrations; the challenges of parenting simply come with the territory. Nonetheless, it’s all too easy for our exasperation to spill over into our interactions with our kids, especially when they display behaviors that we find particularly trying.
However, it doesn’t have to be this way. Over the years, I’ve learned to view a child’s struggle with a behavior or habit as a sign of their efforts to do better. Even when it appears they are acting defiantly or ignoring our requests, most children genuinely want to please their parents and do the right thing. They often find themselves caught between their immediate impulses and their deeper desire to make us proud.
This might manifest in a child forgetting to complete a chore or dawdling instead of tidying up their toys. It can also appear as difficulty in maintaining personal space. While it’s tempting to yell in response to misbehavior, there are more effective approaches that preserve both our voices and our relationships.
The first step is to recognize that misbehavior often indicates a child who is struggling. Next, get down to their level and convey these supportive phrases: “I see that you want to do your best right now. How can I assist you with that?” Phrasing it this way fosters a supportive atmosphere, empowering children to strive for their best without feeling ashamed or belittled. It reminds them of their inherent goodness and your willingness to support their efforts.
As parents, our primary role is to nurture our children’s potential and equip them with the tools they need to thrive. No one finds motivation in being criticized or shamed. Children may comply out of fear of punishment, but that isn’t genuine motivation. True motivation stems from trust and a desire to meet expectations because they value our guidance.
Authoritarian parenting, characterized by equating respect with fear, has been shown to be both ineffective and potentially damaging. I want my children to learn self-discipline and obedience because they trust my experience and want to do what’s right, not because they fear my reaction. If I fail to treat my child as someone capable of doing well, what message am I sending? That they are flawed and require fixing?
Everyone is on a journey of self-improvement, and our children are no exception; they are just in the process of developing the necessary skills and traits to navigate this journey. When we keep this perspective in mind, our communication reflects our belief in their capabilities and our readiness to assist them.
Certainly, parenting is no small feat, nor is being a child. Yet, by modeling self-control, encouragement, and faith in their abilities, we can all work towards becoming our best selves.
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In summary, the journey of parenting requires patience and understanding. By fostering an environment of support and encouragement, we can help our children navigate their challenges while cultivating their self-discipline and desire to excel.