It’s hard to keep track of every little detail when you have more than one child. For instance, I can’t recall how many teeth my youngest daughter has—eight or ten? With my first child, I would have meticulously documented each milestone, capturing countless photos of those precious first teeth for the grandparents. However, this time, I find myself less concerned about such specifics. Sure, I could count her teeth, but honestly, it doesn’t matter to me as much anymore.
You might be surprised to hear that. Yes, I love my daughter deeply, but I’m less focused on counting the number of words she can say or how much hair she has. The minor details just don’t hold the same weight this time around. What truly matters is that she is safe, happy, and thriving. (And yes, her baby book is rather sparse, but I plan to fill it out before she heads off to college!) In fact, I believe that my relaxed attitude is a sign of my growth as a parent—an indication that I’ve learned to navigate the ups and downs of parenting with greater ease.
This sentiment likely resonates with many of you who are experienced parents. While we may be preoccupied, this shift in focus allows us to let go of some of the more frustrating aspects of parenting, such as sleepless nights and laundry disasters. We’re no longer fixated on every minor achievement; instead, we prioritize the overarching well-being of our children. Importantly, we understand that loving each child doesn’t require us to treat them all equally.
My affection for my two daughters is distinct—neither greater nor lesser than the other, but uniquely tailored to their personalities. One thrives on tickles and laughter, while the other finds comfort in quiet and coziness. Their preferences vary widely: one adores ballet and pink, while the other is drawn to soccer and dirt. Most importantly, each child has different parenting needs; one is spirited and stubborn, while the other is thoughtful yet anxious.
Many parents express concern about how they will be able to love their second child as intensely as their first. They wonder if they can extend the same level of energy and devotion to another baby, regardless of gender. I completely empathize with those worries. My firstborn was a challenging infant, and she consumed my world (along with my partner, who is also pretty amazing).
I once asked a friend, a seasoned mother, how she managed to make space in her heart for her second child. “When I brought my daughter Lily home, my son Jake looked at her and made a sudden movement toward her. In my sleep-deprived state, I panicked, fearing he might hurt her. I instinctively moved to protect Lily, hovering over her as if I were a mama bear. It made me realize that I could love two people with the same fierce intensity,” she shared.
I fully understand this experience with my own children. That protective instinct surfaced when my second daughter was born, solidifying my bond with her from the very start. Still, as she grows, it’s easy to feel like I’m missing out on documenting her early days compared to my first child.
This scenario is common among families with multiple children. The busyness can create anxiety that the second (or third or fourth) child may feel overlooked. It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing what we do for one child to another. We might strive to give equal attention, but this pursuit can distract us from making each child feel genuinely valued. Plus, the constant calculations can leave us exhausted.
Fortunately, there is a silver lining to sharing attention, navigating sibling dynamics, and embracing a bit of forgetfulness: you gain invaluable experience and confidence as you navigate each parenting challenge. You may feel, as I sometimes do, that love must be distributed equally, but I encourage you to rethink that idea. While it’s essential not to show favoritism or neglect, focus less on equality and more on specific, full-bodied love. Let go of the pressure to maintain a perfect baby book. Celebrate how you’ve grown as a parent—wiser and more relaxed. Your children need your authentic, individualized love far more than they need exact parity.
For further reading on enhancing your family’s journey, check out this excellent resource on the IVF process, and consider exploring these fertility supplements to support your pregnancy goals. For insights on ultrasound diagnostics, visit this authority.
In summary, each child is unique, and as parents, we must embrace the individuality of our love while recognizing that shared experiences can enhance our parenting journey.