Infertility can be a tumultuous journey, not just for the individual undergoing treatment, but also for their partner. It tests the very foundation of a relationship, reminding couples of their commitment to support one another through thick and thin. My partner, Alex, and I faced significant challenges, but with open communication and a lot of patience, we emerged stronger and more connected than ever. However, the journey wasn’t without its dark moments—especially when it came to our sex life.
During this process, there were certainly times when our relationship took a back seat to the demands of infertility. We experienced some truly bizarre moments and made questionable decisions along the way, but prioritizing our relationship remained essential—most of the time, anyway. There was that one incident when I was coming down from progesterone, but let’s just say that was an exception.
The Impact on Intimacy
One significant aspect of our relationship that infertility took a toll on was our intimacy. The reality is, when you’re undergoing treatments like IVF, the physical connection with your partner can diminish drastically. The very first time Alex and I were introduced to “timed intercourse” was thrilling; we had the chance to be intimate frequently. But that excitement wore off quickly, transforming sex from a passionate act into a mechanical obligation focused solely on conception. What was once a source of joy became a source of immense pressure.
The pressure on Alex was particularly intense. The moment my ovulation test showed a smiley face, it felt like an all-or-nothing situation. “Get it done!” was the mantra, with no room for error. It certainly didn’t help that friends and family weighed in on our sex life, with their unsolicited advice. “Just relax and go on vacation; it worked for my friend’s sister’s neighbor.” Oh, Karen, please spare me.
We did try that vacation idea—after I took Clomid and had a trigger shot. We arrived in Florida, eager to unwind and enjoy each other, only to find we had an adjoining room with my in-laws. Not exactly the relaxing getaway we envisioned.
Periods of Intimacy Drought
Throughout our infertility journey, there were also periods when sex was simply off the table. Testing often meant waiting for days or even weeks, and while men might face fewer restrictions, women were often left counting the days, feeling the absence of intimacy weighing heavily on us. Transitioning to IUI brought even more scarcity to our sex life, as the focus shifted entirely to the procedure and the best timing for conception.
The emotional aftermath of failed attempts to conceive added another layer of stress, making intimacy feel impossible. Mourning the loss of a cycle left little desire for physical connection. And while my body became a canvas for doctors and treatments, it felt less and less like my own.
The IVF Experience
Fast forward to the intense realm of IVF, where physical contact was further limited. The hormones and emotional strain made the idea of intimacy seem daunting. Once we finally achieved pregnancy, fear took over—what if intimacy jeopardized our fragile new life? I tiptoed through those early weeks, terrified of causing harm.
Complicating matters further, both pregnancies revealed issues like low-lying placenta—meaning sex was off-limits for the majority of the term. After childbirth, the six-week recovery period loomed, and for some, it extended even longer. When we finally received the green light, I found myself grappling with body image issues and a diminished sense of self.
Despite being deeply attracted to Alex, I felt disconnected from my own body. After undergoing surgery to restore my pre-infertility physique, I realized it wasn’t merely about looking good; it was about overcoming the emotional barriers that had formed. Acknowledging my lack of desire and the impact it had on Alex was daunting but necessary for us to reclaim our intimacy.
Moving Forward Together
There is no one-size-fits-all solution; every relationship is unique. However, clear and honest communication is crucial. After all, if you can survive the rollercoaster of fertility treatments without losing each other, you undoubtedly possess the strength to face this next challenge together. For additional insights, you may want to explore more about the emotional aspects of infertility in our other blog post at Home Insemination Kit or check out Intracervical Insemination for expert advice. Resources like Drugs.com also provide valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Infertility can severely impact intimacy within a relationship, often transforming sex from a source of connection into a mechanical obligation. Open communication and a strong partnership are vital to navigating these challenges. The emotional toll of treatments, combined with the pressure to conceive, can lead to a disconnect between partners. Acknowledging these feelings and working together is essential for rekindling intimacy and maintaining a healthy relationship.