The tragedy began when my 15-year-old daughter, Amara, attended a gathering where she was assaulted by four boys. Just days later, a photo capturing her violation spread throughout her school and community. This exposure led to relentless harassment from her peers, transforming her into a target for further victimization.
In a fleeting moment, the vibrant, confident girl I knew began to unravel. Despite her attempts to reclaim her strength and move forward, each small victory was met with new emotional hurdles. Amara, and our entire family, were left traumatized and desperately seeking the support she needed.
For 17 long months, we grappled with the questions of why this happened to us and why it happened to Amara. We reached out to various agencies meant to protect her, pleading for assistance. Tragically, on April 4, 2013, at midnight, Amara succumbed to her despair, taking her own life while I was downstairs and her friend was just outside the door. The haunting memory of that night will forever linger in my mind.
We knew she was suffering, that she was struggling. Yet, I believed in her resilience. We often discussed her feelings, and I never imagined she would act on her thoughts of ending her life. Anyone who knew Amara would have echoed my belief; she was the sensible one among her friends, always offering support and guidance. She was strong.
However, the events that transpired and the way she left this world do not define who Amara truly was. Those horrific experiences distorted her view of life and affected her deeply. At such a tender age, she found it almost impossible to cope and move past the trauma.
Since Amara’s death, I am striving to create a “new normal” for my family. Her two younger sisters are looking to me for guidance, both hurting and missing their big sister. I want them to know that while our lives have crumbled, we remain united. We will be okay, and it’s acceptable to grieve and feel pain, but we will not fall apart. I am committed to being there for them. We will honor Amara, my daughter, in both small and significant ways, carrying her memory with us always. We talk about her as if she is still here, and I still devote my time to all three of my daughters, as it should be.
When Amara was born, it was just the two of us for seven years. Although her father played an essential role in her life, I often felt like a single mom. From the moment she was placed in my arms, I vowed to create a better life for us. I pursued a university education, earning a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology, followed by a Master’s Degree in Counseling. Amara was my motivation, the reason I was so determined and focused. Those seven years were the best of my life.
In the wake of my immense loss, I have learned to reach out, make a difference for others, and appreciate the small things in life. I advocate for young girls who have experienced similar traumas by sharing Amara’s story, encouraging them to speak out and challenge societal perceptions of women. I discuss youth harassment, commonly labeled as “bullying,” and openly address the issue of suicide, as the stigma surrounding it needs to change. By fostering open conversations, we can confront the emotions many young people are grappling with.
In today’s social media-driven world, it is crucial to instill compassion and empathy in our youth, countering the desensitization that can arise from constant exposure to graphic content. Amara fought valiantly to stand up for herself. I witnessed her sadness, anger, and disappointments. Every day, I navigate my own anger over what she endured, but I choose to redirect those feelings into positive actions. I aspire to be a force for change in her memory rather than allowing our shared pain to consume me emotionally. Although I carry the weight of losing my daughter, she inspires me to make a meaningful impact in this world—to honor her life. I invite you to join me in this mission.
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In summary, my journey following Amara’s death has been one of profound grief and an unwavering commitment to honor her memory. I strive to support my other daughters while advocating for change and encouraging open discussions about trauma, mental health, and the importance of empathy in our society.