After returning home from a minor surgery, I was greeted by a chaotic scene. A pair of dirty socks lay on a stool, surrounded by large shoes cluttering the kitchen. The countertop was a mess, with the blender and air fryer next to sticky puddles, and the sink overflowed with dirty dishes. Before my hospital visit, I had taken care to clean up, run the dishwasher, and tackle the laundry. I thought my son would help maintain the order I left behind, but I was clearly mistaken.
The throw pillows from the sofa were strewn about (I didn’t want to know why), and a pile of his gym clothes sat on the dining room table. When he finally came downstairs, he barely acknowledged me, offering no questions about my surgery. Instead, he announced his plans for the day, grabbed his keys, and left with loud music blaring from his car.
If I had the energy, I might have chased him down to express my frustration over his inconsiderate behavior. My partner even offered to confront him, but I decided to wait until later to address it.
Things shifted when my other two kids returned home, greeted me warmly, and asked how they could assist. I later spoke with my eldest son, and even his father had a word with him. He apologized, made an effort to improve, and inquired about my health.
The reality hit me: despite being 18, there’s still much work to be done. He often exhibits self-absorbed and absent-minded behavior, seemingly too focused on his own priorities to consider others. Once, he was incredibly thoughtful, nearly hyper-aware of the feelings around him. Now, it seems like puberty has altered his perspective, leaving him less aware of those around him.
To many, including myself, he can come off as rude and detached. He’s quiet, often short with others, and “forgets” when someone is having a tough time. While he can be insensitive, I’ve noticed that shaming him for his behavior deeply affects him. He becomes quiet and tries to remedy the situation temporarily, but eventually, he slips back into his own world.
As he nears adulthood, I sometimes feel like giving up. I see him walk past his brother who needs help, forget to wish his siblings a “Happy Birthday,” or bump into someone without a simple “excuse me.” However, I refuse to relent. It’s my duty as his mother to guide him away from self-centeredness. This means constant reminders, in-depth discussions, and encouraging him to see the bigger picture beyond his own day.
This journey is exhausting, and I often question where I might have gone wrong in his upbringing. While I can’t control his every action, I will persist in guiding him away from selfish tendencies for as long as it takes. Most parents would agree that the ultimate goal is to raise a kind child. So to those who are navigating similar challenges in raising their children, I understand your struggles. This is undoubtedly the hardest work I’ve ever undertaken.
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In summary, parenting can be a challenging experience, especially when trying to instill kindness and consideration in your child. Despite the difficulties, it is essential to remain committed to guiding them toward being compassionate individuals.