Recently, during the Thanksgiving weekend, I found myself feeling down and irritable for about 12 long hours. It wasn’t the usual holiday stress or family drama. The day itself was pleasant; my relatives and I got along well, my children were in good spirits, and I avoided the typical holiday chaos of cooking and cleaning. It wasn’t even that time of the month.
It took a grumpy evening and a morning filled with snapping at my family for me to realize the root of my discontent: I hadn’t done a single thing for myself that entire weekend. Leading up to Thanksgiving, I had been hustling to ensure my work was wrapped up so I could fully enjoy time with my loved ones. After the holiday festivities, I created an itinerary of activities for everyone, from picking out a Christmas tree to planning movie outings that catered to each child’s preferences. I even got a head start on holiday shopping during Black Friday.
However, I completely overlooked scheduling even a minute of “me time.”
Like many mothers, this is my default mode. I instinctively prioritize everyone else’s needs, hoping that my own will somehow get addressed. But as I’ve learned time and again, this approach never works. Opportunities for self-care won’t magically appear in my busy life. Between work, parenting, and managing the household, the only way to carve out time for myself is to make a plan. Yet, planning for my own needs often feels more complicated. Is it societal conditioning? The caregiving role I took on in my family growing up? Who knows, but it’s a tough habit to break.
After wrestling with my feelings for half a day, I had a lightbulb moment that might sound cliché: I MATTER. Plain and simple. Taking a few hours for myself, even amidst the holiday chaos, is just as important as fulfilling everyone else’s desires.
It’s not just about that old saying about filling your cup before you can pour for others. That notion implies that mothers should only seek happiness for the sake of being better caregivers. I should be able to pursue my interests for my own sake, not simply as a means to benefit others. Why shouldn’t my joy stand on its own merit? It absolutely should.
So, after a frustrating night and cranky morning, I told my partner to take the kids out for a few hours, giving me the opportunity to indulge in my favorite pastimes: reading and writing poetry. I cozied up in bed with a book and enjoyed a steaming cup of peppermint tea—guilt-free. It was blissful.
I’m resolved to prioritize myself more often. I’m through with putting my aspirations on hold and always placing others first. This mindset doesn’t serve anyone and dismisses my own needs for fulfillment and happiness.
For me, being an introvert means embracing solitary moments at home with my writing. For you, it could mean finally joining that dance class you’ve been eyeing, planning a getaway with friends, or simply spending a day exploring bookstores solo. Maybe it’s time to revisit that craft project you shelved years ago.
Whatever it is, don’t wait. Act on it now. Don’t overthink it or try to rationalize how it might help those around you. Do it because it brings you joy. Why deny yourself the simple pleasure of happiness? You absolutely deserve it.
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In summary, it’s time to stop putting your needs on the back burner. Recognizing your worth and prioritizing your happiness is essential, not just for you, but for those around you too.