The Overwhelming Invisible Load of Motherhood
By: Jamie Davis
Updated: Feb. 20, 2024
Originally Published: May 24, 2022
One morning, while sorting through my drawer, I stumbled upon a colorful Mother’s Day card emblazoned with the words “YOU ARE SUPERMOM!” While it was likely meant to convey love and appreciation, I felt a surge of frustration instead. Why was I reacting this way to something that was meant to be positive? The sounds of my children arguing downstairs jolted me back to reality, and my day took off from there.
Later, the phrase “supermom” flickered in my thoughts, reigniting my earlier anger. Upon reflection, I realized that it represented the heavy mental and emotional burdens mothers carry, often without acknowledgment. We receive this annual label of “supermom,” but it feels hollow — just empty praise without any real substance.
Four years ago, when my partner handed me that card amidst the chaos of diapers, laundry, and sleepless nights, I likely smiled and said thank you. Yet, there was a lingering emptiness I dared not vocalize, as I felt compelled to maintain a facade of gratitude. My partner intended to uplift me, but what I truly needed was his presence and support, not just cards and gifts.
From my journey as a mother of three and countless hours spent in therapy with other mothers, I’ve learned that the work of motherhood is often overlooked. Yes, people see the happy moments captured on social media, but they miss the countless hours spent planning, organizing, and worrying. This invisible labor goes unnoticed in a society that benefits from the unpaid work of women. Women learn that showing the reality of motherhood might lead to being judged as weak or ungrateful.
The irony is that when we fail to juggle everything perfectly, we’re blamed for it. We hear that we’re lazy or are told to outsource our responsibilities, often at the cost of underpaid domestic workers. Society expects us to sacrifice our own well-being for the sake of others, effectively rendering us invisible. But the truth is, we’re just human.
Interestingly, this notion of “supermom” isn’t just held by men; many women also perpetuate it. I’ve often seen mothers blame themselves for feeling burnt out or unhappy. I fell into that trap too until I began questioning why things are the way they are. By delving into the stories of women who are forging a better path, I woke up to the realities of motherhood.
This newfound awareness transformed how I engaged with my clients and led me to write my book, “A Little Less of a Hot Mess,” which encourages women to embrace their imperfect journeys. I learned significant facts, such as that 85% of fathers want to be involved during the newborn stage, yet many lack access to paid leave, leaving mothers to shoulder the bulk of the responsibilities. As a result, women often default to being the primary caregivers, even in relationships where they hoped for equality.
These days, I often hear people say how “lucky” I am to have a partner who shares the load of parenting. He cooks, handles school drop-offs, and even loses his temper occasionally. But it’s not luck; it’s intentional co-parenting. I chose to make my role visible so that my partner could help share the parenting responsibilities, allowing us both to lead balanced lives.
Let’s start a new narrative around motherhood by changing the language we use, the cards we choose, and how we allow our work as parents to be recognized and valued.
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Summary
Mothers often carry invisible burdens that society overlooks, leading to feelings of frustration and emptiness. The label of “supermom” is an empty title that fails to recognize the extensive work mothers do daily. Both men and women perpetuate this narrative, contributing to burnout and dissatisfaction. By changing our language and acknowledging the realities of motherhood, we can create a more supportive environment for all parents.