My son, Leo, is about to turn 5. He is bright, caring, humorous, and undeniably adorable. Everyone enjoys his company, and he often keeps me on my toes with his mischievous behavior—like the time he flooded the bathroom just weeks before Christmas. But despite all his wonderful traits, Leo is still not fully potty trained.
Before anyone gasps in horror, let me clarify: I haven’t allowed this situation to persist, but it has. I often feel like a failure. Over the past three years, I’ve exhausted every possible strategy. I’ve tried every incentive imaginable, enforced consequences, created reward charts, and set timers on my phone countless times. We’ve left public places when the unmistakable wet patch appeared on his pants. I’ve even let him continue playing, hoping that maybe others would notice and he’d feel a bit of shame. Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened.
I’ve also given Leo some grace. I suspect he was rushed into potty training at daycare when he turned 2, even though he wasn’t ready. Then came a new baby, a big move to a different state, and an entirely new lifestyle. Being the middle child, Leo has faced quite a few challenges over the years. I’ve kept giving him breaks, creating potty charts, and striving to stay calm—even when I had to dispose of yet another pair of Spiderman underwear in a local restaurant’s restroom.
While my mom friends are supportive and understanding, I can’t escape the judgment from strangers. I’ve had moms approach me at the playground to “politely” inform me that my 4-year-old has had an accident, which is distressing their perfectly potty-trained children. It’s hard not to feel anger toward those who imply that if I were just more diligent, Leo would have this all figured out by now.
In a few months, I’ll be registering Leo for kindergarten, and it’s hard to believe my little boy—this amazing kid I love so much—will soon be navigating the cafeteria, learning to read, and writing his name. However, I worry that his potty training struggles will follow him into school.
Children can be cruel, and I know Leo will face teasing someday—whether it’s about his clothes, his hair, or something else entirely. I just hope that his potty issues, which are ultimately fixable, won’t become a nickname or a source of embarrassment later on.
Recently, I finally took Leo to the pediatrician about his potty difficulties, and she diagnosed him with constipation. She explained that this could dull the signals from his body, making it harder for him to recognize when he needs to go. While I’m relieved to have an explanation (and a daily laxative to help), I realize it will take time, and I must be patient.
Leo won’t be off to college in pull-ups. I hope he won’t have accidents once he starts elementary school, but we’ll tackle that if it comes. He’s not the first child to face this challenge, and he certainly won’t be the last.
It can be tough to explain this to others. It’s frustrating and often embarrassing, turning me into both a fierce advocate for my child and the person he frustrates the most. I’ve felt like a bad mom, an okay mom, a proud mom, and an embarrassed mom all at once. But at the end of the day, my love for Leo is unwavering, and I will always strive to do what’s best for him. As long as he knows that, we will be okay.
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In summary, parenting can be overwhelming, especially when faced with challenges like potty training. While the journey may be fraught with difficulties and external judgment, it’s essential to focus on what truly matters—our love and support for our children.