My children are often labeled as the ‘bad’ kids. You know the type I’m referring to. They’re the loudest at the playground, swinging their swings too high, and when it’s time to leave, they’re the ones screaming at the top of their lungs. Every now and then, one of them throws an epic, age-inappropriate tantrum right in front of their friends. They sometimes hit each other, and when it comes to playground equipment, they use it in ways that defy all conventions: climbing up slides, shimmying through tunnels, and even hanging from dizzying heights. They are practically the only kids who can scale the fireman’s pole with ease and they do it without hesitation.
If there are sticks around, they carry them, wielding them like swords. If there are logs, they rally their friends to build a fort that will only stand if no one breathes on it. They find dead animals, interrupt conversations, whine incessantly, and yes, they definitely take more cookies than they should. Other parents often wish they weren’t around, and I can see the judgment in their eyes when I drag one of my weeping kids to the car. Those looks say it all: these kids are out of control, and it’s my fault.
But here’s the truth: my kids aren’t bad. They’re neurodiverse, each with varying degrees of ADHD, and this world doesn’t cater to their unique needs. This neurodiversity can lead to loud voices, tantrums, and a strong desire for sensory experiences, which explains the climbing and jumping. They require plenty of outdoor exercise, which is why you’ll find them running around instead of sitting still. During his diving lessons, my eldest was even asked by his coach to demonstrate challenging stretches, showing that they’re not just hyperactive; they’re capable.
Children with ADHD often display behavior that seems inappropriate for their age, like whining and interrupting. They look like the ‘bad’ kids because they’re expressing themselves in ways that reflect their needs. We encourage a free-range parenting style, allowing them to play with sticks and build forts in our backyard. Yes, it may disrupt your tidy playground time, Karen, but I’m not sorry if little Aiden is yearning to join in.
This free-range philosophy is essential for managing their neurodiversity. They need creative outdoor outlets to channel their energy, and a swing set simply won’t suffice. Because we homeschool, they see children of all ages as potential playmates, which is why you might see them inviting younger kids into their stick armies. What you may not notice is the care they take to ensure those little ones are safe.
Of course, when kids misbehave, the blame often falls on the parents. My children are seen as the ‘bad’ kids, which leads to the assumption that my husband and I are bad parents. I reinforce that notion whenever I calmly address a tantrum without punishing him. Instead of reacting with anger, I meet him at his level, talk to him, and offer comfort until he calms down. When they use playground equipment incorrectly, I don’t lose my cool; I gently remind them of safety, saying something like, “Hey, can you please not climb the slide? Younger kids might try to do it too.”
My approach is about fostering understanding, not enforcing harsh rules. While I strive to maintain safety for all kids, I won’t make my children feel guilty for their natural behaviors. Consistency is key for neurodiverse kids, and I respect them enough to set gentle limits without shaming them.
They may continue to appear as the ‘bad’ kids unless society changes its perspective on neurodiversity and varying parenting styles. If you see a parent struggling with a child throwing a tantrum or climbing too high, consider this: instead of blaming the parents, ask yourself how you could help. We moms of neurodiverse children would greatly appreciate the support.
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In summary, my children, often judged as ‘bad,’ simply exhibit behaviors typical of their neurodiverse needs. They require understanding and support, not harsh judgment. Encouraging outdoor play and gentle discipline can foster their growth and development, while community acceptance would make a world of difference.