The other day, while waiting to pick up my son from school, I came across an article on social media with a headline that piqued my interest. It was about a young girl seeking advice on how to handle a tricky flirting situation, and the collective wisdom of the internet chimed in with the advice: “You’ve got to own your own ‘no.’”
I didn’t click on the article at the time. The chaos of after-school activities and the responsibilities of being a single parent took over my mind, and I let it slip away into the background noise of my day. But later that night, when the house was quiet and my children were asleep, that phrase echoed in my thoughts: Own your own no.
The reality is, I struggle with owning my own no. Not when it comes to significant decisions that could change the course of my life—those are easier for me to navigate. It’s the smaller, everyday refusals that trip me up. I often find myself saying yes when I want to say no, sacrificing my own needs for the sake of others, driven by a desire to avoid discomfort. It feels selfish to prioritize myself, and I loathe the idea of being unkind.
As a confirmed people pleaser, I frequently bend over backward to accommodate others, allowing my own wants and needs to fall by the wayside. If I must say no, I often sugarcoat it, trying to soften what I perceive as a harsh response. I know I should embrace my no, especially when it opens the door to other opportunities, yet I find myself hesitating. It’s a human struggle, one I must accept as part of my journey.
The challenge lies not in my own learning process at 37, but in how to equip my 10-year-old daughter, Lily, with the ability to own her no when I haven’t fully mastered it myself. How can I teach her to prioritize her own well-being and recognize that sometimes, making a self-focused choice is not a negative thing? How do I guide her toward becoming the empowered woman I am still striving to be?
I could resort to the tired adage of “do as I say, not as I do,” telling her to assertively say no when she doesn’t want to participate in something. While the advice is straightforward, children learn by observing behavior. If I encourage her to assert herself while simultaneously saying yes to please others, I risk confusing her. She might start to doubt my words when my actions don’t align.
So, I need a different approach. Perhaps the first step is to start owning my no. As a self-aware mother and leader of my household, it’s essential to recognize when I’m compromising my own needs. I can begin to internalize that taking care of myself doesn’t equate to being selfish. However, I know this won’t change overnight; ingrained habits can take time to unlearn.
Maybe the answer lies in honesty. I might not have all the solutions, but I can show Lily that it’s acceptable to prioritize herself, even if it sometimes feels selfish. I’m learning, too. I can share with her, in a way that’s appropriate for her age, that I’m working on these lessons alongside her.
It’s important for her to understand that she doesn’t need to have everything figured out by a certain age. What matters is cultivating compassion for herself as she navigates the complexities of being human. It’s about embracing the journey of being a work-in-progress, imperfections and all.
For more insights on navigating these challenges, check out this related post on our blog here. Additionally, for a deeper understanding of self-empowerment, visit this authoritative resource. If you’re looking for comprehensive information on family-building options, this resource is excellent.
In summary, while I may not have all the answers, I can guide my daughter to develop her own sense of self-worth and the ability to stand firm in her decisions. I’m a work in progress, and that’s perfectly okay.