Back in the day, I envisioned a blissful world where my children would be the best of friends, sharing everything and supporting one another unconditionally. I imagined a perfect family dynamic where sibling rivalry was a myth, something that only happened in other households.
But then I had kids. And they turned out to be a lively mix of budding mixed martial artists and passionate debaters. It’s like they came equipped with an innate ability to argue and spar with each other. While I used to rush in to break up their tussles—often to protect my precious household items—I’ve come to realize that I’m officially stepping back from the role of referee. So, let the games begin; I’m out of the ring and quite frankly, I couldn’t care less about the outcome.
Why Do We Feel the Need to Intervene?
Why do we mothers feel the need to get emotionally and physically involved in every disagreement between our kids? I grew up with two sisters, and our home was filled with all sorts of dramatic conflicts—think door-slamming, hair-pulling, and some serious squabbles. Yet, I can’t recall my mom ever stepping in to mediate. Instead, she would shout from the other room, “Figure it out, girls!” And, guess what? We did.
So why do we now feel the need to micromanage every single argument? It seems like there’s an expectation for us to analyze each conflict, dictate solutions, and ensure our children get along at all times. I recently saw a viral post of a mother who made her squabbling kids wear the same shirt and slow dance until they resolved their differences. Really? I don’t have time for this kind of sibling therapy. If anyone needs therapy around here, it’s definitely me! Life doesn’t come with endless chances for mediation, and it’s about time my kids learn how to handle their own disputes.
The State of Adult Interactions
Looking at the state of adult interactions today, it’s clear that someone’s mom might have always jumped in to resolve conflicts rather than letting kids learn to navigate disagreements themselves. Many adults seem unable to engage in civil discourse or negotiate differences without external help. I want my children to develop the skills necessary to resolve their issues independently, rather than relying on me or anyone else.
This need to intervene often peaks during the teenage years, where friendships can become particularly fraught. I see so many mothers trying to fix their teenagers’ squabbles as if we’re back in preschool. Let your teens handle their own social conflicts; they need to learn how to deal with people they don’t get along with. Of course, if things escalate to a point where serious intervention is necessary, I’ll step in. But otherwise, it’s their responsibility to work it out.
Stepping Back
I’m not disinterested in my kids’ relationships—far from it! I’m simply tired of being the go-to judge and jury for each and every altercation. Since I’ve stepped back, they’ve shown remarkable ability to resolve their disagreements on their own, often in more creative and amicable ways than I would have thought possible. Who knew?
Now, I can focus my energy on more pressing matters—wink wink.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it’s important for kids to learn how to manage their conflicts without parental interference. This not only fosters independence but also equips them with valuable life skills.