I’ve always been a lifelong learner, relishing my time in school. From an early age, I envisioned attending law school and confidently tackled the notoriously challenging California bar exam on my first attempt—and I passed. However, my legal career only lasted a brief time, but that’s a different story altogether!
Given my academic background, I naturally had high expectations for my children. I assumed they would mirror my academic success from a young age. Ah, the joys of parenthood: just when you think you have it all figured out, life throws you a curveball, leaving you anxious and questioning if you’re making the right choices for your child’s future.
A Changing Landscape of Kindergarten
Today’s childhood experience is vastly different from what we knew. Kindergarten used to be a brief, three-hour day filled with playful educational activities, like crafting names out of macaroni. I still treasure my macaroni artwork stored at my parents’ house! While reading was introduced, it wasn’t the main focus; mastering reading by the end of first grade was the goal. Back in my kindergarten days, many children were just beginning to grasp reading by year’s end.
There were no homework assignments or tests—kindergarten was all about introducing kids to the school environment through enjoyable activities (we even watched Sesame Street weekly!). Unfortunately, that version of kindergarten has been replaced with a more rigorous curriculum that mimics first grade, imposing expectations that are often overwhelming for 5- and 6-year-olds.
With the implementation of “No Child Left Behind,” kindergarten now comes with daily homework, including tasks like writing sentences, basic math, and weekly tests. While I applaud the push for higher educational standards, the pressure on these young kids is excessive. There are far better approaches to nurturing successful, innovative thinkers than cramming a year’s worth of material into a younger grade with frequent testing that detracts from experiential learning.
Making the Best Decision for My Son
I can’t change the education system, but I can determine what’s best for my son. I knew he would be one of the youngest in his class; California’s age cutoff for kindergarten has gradually shifted from December 31 to September 1 in response to parents holding their kids back, inspired by Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Outliers, which highlighted the advantages of being the oldest in class.
There’s truth in this perspective. Consider the difference in development between a newborn and a 6-month-old; now, apply that to children just a year apart in age. A Stanford University study revealed that Danish children who began kindergarten a year later performed better academically throughout their schooling.
Instead of rigid age cutoffs, assessing children’s growth, development, and maturity could lead to more appropriate placements. A summer-born boy is likely to lag behind his peers, especially if they are older by several months.
As my son “graduated” from preschool, I felt uncertain about him starting kindergarten. His preschool didn’t offer a pre-K program, and he was too advanced for another year in the oldest preschool class. So, we decided to give kindergarten a shot.
Before the school year started, I expressed my concerns to the principal about the possibility of my son needing to repeat the year. Unfortunately, she was not very open to the idea and mentioned that only one girl had repeated. I later met with her to change his class assignment from a room filled with kids who had already completed pre-K with the same teacher. These kids were already reading and writing, making it challenging for my son, who was much younger.
Fortunately, we managed to change his class. It quickly became clear that he was less mature than his peers. Although his behavior and focus were commendable, his fine motor skills and readiness to learn letters and read were lacking. At back-to-school night, it was easy to spot his artwork—marked by large, looping characters that barely resembled letters. He was putting in effort, but it was evident he was young for his class.
Understanding the Journey
Let me pause here—if your child has a summer birthday and is struggling in kindergarten, don’t panic. They are not doomed to academic failure; they are simply younger.
Think back to when your baby was learning to crawl. They might have gotten into position, rocking back and forth without knowing the next step. They were interested but hadn’t quite clicked yet. My son was experiencing something similar. He enjoyed kindergarten—the structure, social interactions, teacher, and activities. Yet, he just wasn’t ready compared to his classmates.
By January, after winter break, I felt my son had made progress, but he was still where many kids were in September. While he had mastered his letters and memorized some words, he was just beginning to reach the academic maturity needed for kindergarten. In hindsight, pre-K would have suited him better, but it wasn’t feasible for our family.
I reached out to my friends on Facebook to see if anyone had held their child back and what the outcomes were. I received an overwhelming response—over 100 comments filled with encouraging stories from mothers who urged me to trust my instincts about having my son repeat kindergarten. Many shared how beneficial it had been for their children or expressed regret for not having done so.
Key Takeaways
- Being the youngest in class is universally tough.
- My son will graduate high school at just 17 years old.
- He will be among the last to learn to drive.
- Younger kids may lag in physical development and sports.
- He will have increased confidence being one of the older kids, picking up lessons and social cues more easily.
- He’ll enjoy an extra year at home before moving on to college.
- Boys often develop impulse control later than girls.
- Keeping him at home a year longer may lead to better decision-making in college.
- He’ll be less swayed by peer pressure and more likely to be a leader than a follower.
- Older children often excel in academics, sports, and careers.
One friend, who had researched the topic extensively for her master’s thesis, shared her insights on the benefits of giving young children the “gift of time.” This aligns with the findings from the Stanford study I mentioned.
Armed with this information, I discussed my thoughts with my son’s teacher, who surprisingly echoed my concerns—she had been considering the same recommendation. This decision is in my son’s best interest. He isn’t failing kindergarten; he’s performing at grade level in most areas except for reading and writing. It’s not about him being slow; it’s about him being young. With more time to grow and mature, I’m confident he’ll thrive in kindergarten next year.
Encouragement for Other Parents
If you find yourself in a similar situation with your child, I encourage you to explore your options and prioritize what’s best for them. Remember, the gift of time is invaluable.
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In summary, while the education system places undue pressure on young children, making the decision to hold your child back can provide them with the extra time they need to develop and thrive. The journey of parenthood is filled with surprises, and sometimes the best choice is to allow our children the time to grow.