Next month, my daughter will celebrate her second birthday. When my son was approaching his second birthday, I had never felt better in my life. I was exercising regularly—sometimes even two times a day—because it was enjoyable and made me feel great. I was mindful of my diet, eating healthily with occasional treats. Before I became a mother, my lifestyle was far from active or nutritious.
After my son was born, I went through cycles of dieting and exercising, managing to lose some of the 50 pounds I gained during that pregnancy. Everything finally clicked into place when he turned 18 months, and I felt like I was regaining my rhythm. On his second birthday, I took a pregnancy test and discovered I was two weeks along as my husband and I had just begun trying for another child.
Initially, we envisioned spacing our children two to three years apart—having one out of diapers before welcoming another. But now, here we are, wanting a third child. I’m choosing to postpone pregnancy for at least another year because I haven’t lost the weight from my second pregnancy. Unfortunately, I haven’t shed any of it.
This might come across as superficial to some, and I get it. But it matters to me. I long to look and feel the way I did when my son was a toddler. I was happier with my body post-baby than I ever was before kids. I’ve never had a positive body image and my relationship with food has been rocky—except during the time when I was able to establish a routine that suited our lifestyle when my son was young.
I don’t want to create more obstacles between me and a goal that has already proven difficult to achieve. I gained 40 pounds during my last pregnancy, and while I’ve lost a bit here and there, I keep regaining it. My biggest challenge is prioritizing self-care while managing a household and caring for two children. There is time in my day, and I know I can change my habits, but I’m constantly juggling errands, work, chores, kids’ playtime, and meal prep. Often, I find myself at the bottom of my to-do list.
This pregnancy journey has been different in many ways. I was running regularly, eating well, and feeling good until I fell down the stairs and sustained a hematoma on my hip, making it painful to walk. Running became impossible, and it took weeks before I could shop for groceries independently.
Then, frequent migraines began to plague me. Just as I got into a workout routine, a migraine would strike, derailing my progress. This cycle of starting and stopping has been demoralizing. Most days, I feel tired, but I know that regular exercise would boost my energy—it’s a frustrating cycle.
Food has also become a coping mechanism for stress. After a tough day, I often resort to junk food and promise myself I’ll do better tomorrow, but that tomorrow keeps getting pushed away.
I refuse to become pregnant again until I lose this weight—and I’m not starting until I can maintain that loss long enough to feel confident about not reverting to old habits. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see someone I like; I see a frustrated and sad version of myself who isn’t taking action. I don’t want to feel this unhappy in my own skin again, nor do I want to feel worse by getting pregnant again now.
Both my husband and I want another baby. I’m ready in every other aspect of my life, but it’s incredibly frustrating that my weight is standing in the way of something I genuinely desire.
Making myself a top priority is challenging, but it’s essential. I’m slowly getting back into a routine and being extra cautious on the stairs. I want to look in the mirror and recognize myself again. I’m eager to start the baby-making journey again, but I’m just not there yet.
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In summary, I am determined to prioritize my health and well-being before expanding my family, as I want to ensure I am in the best possible state for both myself and any future children.