Recently, a colleague inquired about my career aspirations, and I responded, “Why do you want to know?” I asked this with a hint of suspicion, as it’s a question I’ve been asked frequently of late. At 34 years old, I’ve held the same position for two years, and I’ve been with the same university for five. When I mention that this question has been on my mind, I really mean that I’ve been contemplating it myself.
During my twenties, I dedicated a lot of time to earning degrees and developing skills. Everything revolved around the quest for progress—moving up the ladder, seeking the next opportunity. I’ve relocated from the West to the Midwest and then to the Pacific Northwest, always in pursuit of a better situation, all while juggling responsibilities as a husband and father. Now that my wife and I have completed our education and both have jobs, life feels stable. Yet, there’s still this nagging sense that I should be considering what’s next in my career, and I find myself unable to answer that question.
The conversation with my colleague took place in her office. She had recently stepped into the role of assistant director, and it was clear she had been pondering similar questions herself. It’s a common sentiment in the professional world; if you’re not asking yourself what’s next, it feels like you’re falling behind.
“I’m just curious,” she said. “I don’t think we’ve ever discussed it.”
We hadn’t, so I offered a vague response, explaining that I didn’t envision moving away or seeking advancement—just the usual stuff. She nodded, but by the time I returned to my office, I recognized that I hadn’t provided her with a real answer. The truth was simple: I just want to be an engaged dad.
While being a dad isn’t a career path, my children are the most precious part of my life right now. I may not have a high-paying job, but I earn enough to support my family, enjoy benefits, and take vacations. My workload is manageable, and I have most weekends off. I’m in a position that allows me to be present for my kids. Yet, the expectation to pursue professional advancement often feels like a conflict with my desire to fully embrace fatherhood, and I can’t quite understand why.
Many working parents face this dilemma, balancing the need to climb the corporate ladder with the desire for comfort in their current roles. There’s a certain stigma attached to being content in a job, at least from my perspective. This might be a result of societal pressures on men to be not just providers, but exemplary ones, wielding power, responsibility, and respect. But what often gets overlooked is the time commitment involved in nurturing a family and sustaining a marriage.
I suspect many working women experience similar struggles—perhaps even more acutely. While I’m expected to be the breadwinner, they often bear the dual expectation of nurturing, and moving up the career ladder frequently means sacrificing precious time with their children, compounded by societal guilt for not being home with them all the time.
A pivotal moment came when my supervisor, Laura, stopped by my office for a chat. I shared my earlier discussion about career advancement and expressed my desire to be available for my family, yet I felt pressured to move up as part of professional norms.
“It sounds like you truly want to be a dad,” she remarked with calm clarity.
Her insight struck me. I didn’t reply; I simply exhaled deeply.
“It’s perfectly fine to prioritize parenting,” she assured me. “That’s a valuable pursuit. Many people get sidetracked by the ambition to climb the ladder and forget what truly matters. Your kids will only be little for a brief period. It’s important to cherish these moments.”
I nodded, a smile creeping onto my face—one of those expressions that emerges when someone helps you decipher the core of your struggle. To be honest, this doesn’t mean I’ll never consider advancing my career in the future. It doesn’t mean I’ll reject opportunities that may arise. What it does signify is that, while parenthood may not be viewed as a career move, it holds significant value in my life. Every decision I’ve made as an adult has been aimed at providing a better life for my family, and now I want to relish the rewards of that labor.
“You’re absolutely right,” I replied. “Thank you.”
Laura smiled, gave my knee a friendly pat, and exited my office.
Throughout my professional journey, I often find myself torn between reading bedtime stories with my kids and staying late to finish a project, between taking my wife out for a nice dinner and socializing with colleagues over drinks to discuss work matters, or balancing a Saturday dance recital with the pressure to get ahead at the office. I frequently reflect on the ongoing tug-of-war between family obligations and work responsibilities, and for now, I’m inclined to keep that rope firmly on the side of my family. And honestly, I don’t feel a hint of regret about it.
If you’re interested in learning more about how to navigate the complexities of parenthood alongside career ambitions, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, for LGBTQ+ parents, this guide offers valuable insights into maintaining mental health while managing family life.
In summary, my focus has shifted from career advancement to prioritizing quality time with my children. Parenthood, while not a conventional career path, is invaluable and worthy of dedication. It’s essential to embrace these moments with family, even amidst societal pressures to excel professionally.