I would do just about anything for my friends. Seriously. Need to drop your kids off at my place unexpectedly? No problem—I’ve got popsicles and juice boxes on hand. Had a day from hell and want to vent over a bottle of wine? I’ll bring two bottles and some straws. I’m even down to fold laundry in a pinch or whip up lasagna for new parents. I’ll even play mediator with your mother-in-law during family gatherings. But there’s one thing I absolutely will not do for my friends, no matter how much I adore them: I will not participate in their outrageously expensive weddings.
When I tied the knot nearly two decades ago, our wedding epitomized simple elegance—read: budget-friendly. My dress was an off-the-clearance-rack find costing less than $300. Our bachelor and bachelorette parties were hosted at local beach bars the same night, and we picked a honeymoon spot we could drive to. We said our vows at our local church and celebrated with a straightforward meal in a large conference room at a nearby hotel. It was perfect. Even now, two decades later, I cherish those memories of love and simplicity—no burlap, horse barns, or mason jars involved! Hipster weddings weren’t a trend back then, either.
What we also didn’t have? A debt that would haunt us for the next decade. And we certainly didn’t expect our bridal party to cough up a fortune just to stand beside us as we exchanged vows.
Recently, a friend of mine, Jenna, shared the staggering costs she was incurring to attend her best friend’s wedding. As she enumerated the bride’s extravagant requests, I was shocked by the financial burden placed upon her for the privilege of standing next to someone who knows all her secrets. It was infuriating to witness how her friend had morphed into a bridezilla the moment that diamond ring was slipped onto her finger. Seriously, brides, what’s going on?
Honestly, I can’t afford a couture gown—especially one that costs more than the down payment on my first home. And let’s be real: the notion that “you’ll wear it again” is absurd. We both know my bridesmaid dress will end up crumpled in the back of my closet for years. And don’t even get me started on destination bachelorette parties that require airfare and nearly a week off work.
Look, I’m all for a girls’ getaway, but asking me to shell out for a trip to the Caribbean to celebrate your last fling before the ring? That’s a hard no. I bet your bridesmaids would be just as excited to pamper you at a local spa or enjoy dinner at your favorite hibachi restaurant instead—far more budget-friendly than a Vegas getaway filled with extravagant escapades.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I genuinely celebrate when my friends announce their upcoming nuptials! I loved my own wedding and treasure those memories. However, the modern trend of making bridesmaids take out a second mortgage just to support their best friends is utterly ridiculous. Between wedding gowns that cost a fortune and venues that make Buckingham Palace look modest, weddings have spiraled out of control.
People can spend as lavishly as they wish, but expecting bridesmaids to stretch their budgets beyond reason? That’s just inconsiderate. Maybe consider scaling back on the burlap and mason jars—just a thought.
Brides, while I understand your wedding is a reflection of your love, it’s essential to remember that your friends want to support you without going broke. Your bridesmaids are honored to be by your side, but the expectation for them to cover the costs of dresses, extravagant weekends, and lavish showers is out of line. Seriously, is this how you treat the people who know your secrets?
So, friends, I’ll gladly be there to cheer when you say “I do,” but I’ll have to pass on donning a bridesmaid gown for your big day.
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In summary, while weddings should be a joyous occasion, the financial burden placed on friends can ruin the experience. Brides should consider the impact of their expectations and strive for a balance between a beautiful celebration and the financial realities faced by their bridesmaids.