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I’m Not Great at Making Friends, But That’s Alright
by Mia Thompson
Updated: Aug. 26, 2021
Originally Published: Aug. 26, 2021
Photo by Yellow Dog Productions/Getty
During elementary and middle school, I spent years with the same group of about 20 classmates. You’d think that sharing countless days together would forge strong bonds. But alas, that wasn’t the case. Would these relationships last a lifetime? Not a chance. They were perfectly nice people, but I never really connected with them in the way that movies from the ’90s and early 2000s depicted friendships. Sure, I attended sleepovers and birthday celebrations, but when I transitioned to high school, I left them all behind. Was there something wrong with me? Or perhaps I just needed a bigger pool of potential friends?
Spoiler alert: that didn’t resolve the issue either. I was part of the cheerleading squad for four years. Do I keep in touch with any of those ladies now? Absolutely not. Honestly, I would prefer to erase many of those memories. My biggest hurdle in forming genuine friendships during my teenage years stemmed from my boyfriend. He was my entire world (as 17-year-olds often think they cannot survive without their moody partners). Caught up in my infatuation, I tried to fit into his friend group instead of nurturing my own. Naturally, when that relationship ended, that circle of friends disintegrated just as quickly as it had formed. (Don’t worry, it was for the best.)
Friendship Requires Effort from Both Sides
During those chaotic early years, I had just one true friend—my sister. Though she didn’t really have a choice in the matter, considering we share the same blood. Our relationship wasn’t always smooth sailing, though. We often look back and laugh, but we had our fair share of rough patches. With just four years and four days between us, we experienced many milestones at different times, which contributed to the chaos. However, we’ve emerged stronger together with time.
My sister is my best friend, not just because we’re siblings. Many people don’t have good relationships with their brothers or sisters. She’s my best friend because she never judges my choices. She supports and loves me unconditionally, even when I know she wishes she could knock some sense into me. I do the same for her because friendships built on honesty, trust, and mutual respect are the ones that endure.
Even when it’s tough for me to hear or for her to say, knowing we have each other’s backs is what keeps our bond solid. I tend to be a giver and a people-pleaser, which is all well and good—except I’ve often found myself surrounded by those who take advantage of it. Excuse me while I remove my rose-colored glasses.
I’ve had friends who I’ve helped through tumultuous relationships, only for them to bail on our plans at the last minute for their partners. I’ve also been that friend who tried to help someone with complicated family issues, only to find myself sidelined when I introduced her to someone new.
My Circle Is Small But Strong
Perhaps it’s because I stopped answering those late-night calls about relationship drama, or maybe I realized that the chaotic relationships my friends described weren’t as troubling as they portrayed. Whatever the reason, I was relieved to step away from the drama. Yet, I did feel a bit deflated—was it just me?
Because of those experiences, I’ve always been cautious about making friends. I engage in small talk but keep it superficial. Over the last five years, besides my sister, only two other amazing friends have managed to break through my barriers.
I met one of them in 2016. We chat, vent, and celebrate together, and even though we only meet once a month, our time together feels natural and easy. My other friend, whom I’ve known for about three years, works with me, allowing us to connect almost daily. Even when she went on maternity leave (how dare she! lol), we maintained our bond.
The essence of meaningful friendships lies in mutual effort. Like any relationship, it requires commitment from both sides. So, don’t fret if making friends doesn’t come easily. It simply means you haven’t found your tribe yet. Once you do, cherish and support each other, and you’ll receive the same in return. For more insights, check out this blog post on relationships.
Summary
Making friends can be challenging, as Mia Thompson shares from her experiences in school and through her teenage years. Though she struggled to connect with many peers, she found true friendship in her sister and a couple of other close friends who respect and support her. The key to lasting relationships is mutual effort and understanding, reminding readers that it’s okay to take time to find the right people to connect with.
Keyphrase: friendship struggles