Every year, three times—fall, spring, and at the close of the school year—a sizable, sealed manila envelope arrives home in my children’s backpacks: the dreaded report card. This is the only moment I remember to check their bags. I tear into it with urgency, disregarding the paper cuts that might come my way. I glance through the initial pages, quickly discarding them until I reach the final page—the one that holds the teacher’s personal remarks.
This is the section that truly matters to me. I read these thoughtful comments with care, looking for insights into my children’s behavior in class, their interactions with peers, and their respect for their teachers. Grades? They are secondary. What I’m really invested in is the kind of individuals my children are becoming.
My eldest, Liam, is now in fourth grade. My partner and I often find ourselves perched on tiny chairs during parent-teacher meetings, discussing our sons’ academic progress. Each time, I wish to bypass the academic chatter and get straight to the heart of the matter. While it’s nice to know how many words my first-grader can read or if Liam has grasped long division, my primary concern lies in their character. Are they being kind? Do they include new children in their games during recess? Do they celebrate the achievements of their classmates? Are they helpful?
I absolutely care about their academic trajectory. I want to be informed if they face challenges and require additional support. I believe in the importance of hard work and the value of learning about various subjects. However, good grades and test scores do not paint the full picture. Even if they did, my focus would remain on nurturing kind, compassionate, and helpful individuals rather than solely students who excel in their studies.
I’m the first to admit that I don’t spend hours quizzing my kids on math facts or monitoring their reading logs. When they return from school, I don’t inquire about their spelling tests or math scores. Instead, I ask questions like, “Who did you show kindness to today?” and “Who was kind to you?” These are the moments I cherish. Did they bring a smile to someone’s face? Did they make someone laugh? Did they help another child feel valued? These are the true indicators of a remarkable person, not just an exceptional student.
That said, I don’t want my children to lag academically. If they’re having difficulty, I want to be proactive in addressing it, ensuring that my partner, my child, and his teacher collaborate to provide the necessary support. Beyond that, I’m content with my kids being average when it comes to grades, honor rolls, and standardized test scores. It’s in the realms of friendship, teamwork, kindness, and generosity where I want them to truly shine.
Before Liam began first grade, I penned a letter to him, sharing three important secrets. First, I explained that superheroes aren’t just found in storybooks; sometimes, they’re the teachers standing in front of the class. Secondly, I reassured him that when life gets tough—and it will—taking deep breaths can ease the burden. And the most crucial secret? “You are the magic,” I told him. “Just be the best version of yourself.” I encouraged him to embrace his uniqueness, to work hard, to be brave, and to spread kindness. We all possess that magic within us.
So yes, I want my kids to study diligently and strive for success. I hope they avoid academic struggles and achieve decent grades. But what truly matters to me is whether they are spreading kindness, friendship, and generosity in their classrooms and the world. If they are doing this, they are at the top of my honor roll.
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Summary
The author expresses that their priority as a parent is not on grades or honor rolls, but rather on fostering kindness and compassion in their children. They reflect on their approach to parenting, emphasizing the importance of character over academic achievements and sharing personal anecdotes to illustrate their beliefs.