In many ways, I consider myself fortunate during this pandemic. Thankfully, our family hasn’t contracted COVID-19, and while I’ve heard of friends experiencing severe illness, no one close to me has died. My husband and I maintained our jobs, and our kids’ mental health remained stable despite a year of strict lockdown.
When it came to managing our family’s pandemic needs, my partner stepped up significantly. He not only helped with our children’s chaotic online schooling while we both worked from home, but he also took a leave of absence for the 2020-2021 school year to assist with their education, which turned into full-time homeschooling for our youngest. He took on extra household duties without complaint, which I appreciate deeply.
However, he hasn’t shared the emotional or mental burden of pandemic decisions like I have, nor has he actively participated in making those choices. I understand this is partly due to his nature; worrying about uncontrollable situations, such as a global pandemic, isn’t his style. When it comes to our children’s safety, I’ve naturally taken the lead. After all, he knows I would likely override any decisions he might make that I deemed critical.
Making Decisions During the Pandemic
Let me illustrate my point. I’ve been the one making the calls on our family’s social interactions throughout the pandemic. When places began to reopen in summer 2020, I decided that outdoor visits with relatives while wearing masks were the safest route, especially since no one was vaccinated at that time. My husband agreed with this approach and was content to follow my lead.
Regarding last school year, he shared my concern about sending the kids back to school amidst a pandemic, especially without knowing if the implemented safety measures would be effective. However, he didn’t spend sleepless nights researching the latest studies on COVID in children, mask efficacy, or ventilation standards. He didn’t wake up anxious about balancing our kids’ mental well-being with their safety. Ultimately, he didn’t make the final call—not just because he knew I would. He simply didn’t feel strongly enough about it.
Navigating New Challenges
Now we’re facing similar challenges as we navigate the Delta variant. It was a relief when three out of four of us got vaccinated last spring, and for a brief period, I felt the weight of the pandemic lift. We still had to keep our unvaccinated child safe, but it was manageable. Now, with Delta, we’re back in crisis mode, grappling with decisions we hoped were behind us. The surge in cases has thrown everyone off balance, especially with the realization that vaccinated individuals can still transmit the virus.
Lately, I’ve been consumed with thoughts about how to keep our unvaccinated child safe while visiting vaccinated family members. I’ve been considering what type of mask is best for school and whether it’s even safe for our child to attend. Those sleepless nights of worry have returned, and I’ve found myself overwhelmed and crying in quiet corners more than once.
The Emotional Toll
I’m just so tired. Tired of the pandemic and the constant navigation it demands. While my husband feels the weight of the situation, he doesn’t experience the same level of distress that I do, partly because he knows I will handle the emotional and mental load. He trusts me to make decisions for our family, and I appreciate that, but sometimes I wish he could share the burden.
I often wonder how he could step up in the decision-making process, but I’m uncertain what that would look like. Should he feign stronger opinions or recognize decisions before I become overly anxious? Honestly, I’m not sure what I want to change. I just know I feel weighed down, and I’m certain I’m not alone in this struggle. The pandemic is challenging for everyone, but being the designated family decision-maker adds its own unique stress.
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Conclusion
In summary, being the primary decision-maker in my family during the pandemic has taken a significant emotional toll. While my partner supports me, he doesn’t carry the same mental load, leaving me feeling overwhelmed. I hope for a balance that allows us both to share the responsibility.