Friendship
I maintained my bond with my sister-in-law throughout my divorce; she never suggested our relationship should end simply because my marriage did.
By Sarah Lane
April 29, 2022
The first time I met my sister-in-law, I felt an instant connection. It was 25 years ago, just as I began dating her brother. She welcomed me wholeheartedly, showing genuine enthusiasm to get to know me. This was particularly surprising given her brother’s tendency to keep his romantic life private, and my first encounter with his mother was rather frosty—no hug or handshake, just a quick glance and a forced smile. I assumed that her feelings would mirror those of her mother, but I was mistaken.
My future sister-in-law had a soothing presence that made me feel comfortable. Despite the fifteen-hour flight that separated us, we maintained a close relationship, connecting yearly. I asked her to be a bridesmaid at my wedding, and I returned the favor at hers. She even assisted me in building a website for a jewelry business while I was home with my three little kids. Her thoughtfulness extended to sending me a care package after my first child was born, which included bath soaks, dark chocolate, and a gift certificate to my favorite sushi restaurant—she knew how much I missed it. During her visits, she was always eager to help, unlike some of my other in-laws who preferred to be catered to.
When my ex-husband decided to tell her about our impending divorce, she reached out to me immediately. We both cried, and while she was there for him, she also offered her support to me without any expectations of choosing sides. Her unconditional love and lack of judgment were incredibly meaningful; even though I was no longer family by marriage, our bond remained strong.
Throughout and after the divorce, she was the only in-law who consistently checked in on me. She continued sending thoughtful gifts during the holidays, called me on Mother’s Day, never missed my birthday, and always made time to see me when she was back in town. My sister-in-law understood that my ex-husband and I had our reasons for parting ways, but she never suggested that our relationship needed to end along with the marriage. She never took his side nor made me feel guilty about our situation.
Now, six years later, she is facing her own challenging divorce. Her soon-to-be ex-husband is uncooperative, affecting her and their two children. As she navigates this tough time, our connection has deepened. She has reached out frequently, and we’ve spent hours discussing her situation and how I managed mine.
A few weeks ago, during one of our heart-to-heart talks, she expressed her gratitude for having me in her life, and I felt the same. “I’m so thankful you didn’t cut me off after we divorced,” I told her. “That thought never crossed my mind,” she replied.
If you’re undergoing a divorce and concerned about how it might impact your relationship with your in-laws, I can assure you that while changes may occur, they aren’t always negative. A true friend will endure through any circumstance. You don’t need to lose a valuable connection with your in-laws just because your marriage has ended.
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Summary
Maintaining a friendship with your sister-in-law after a divorce is possible and can be incredibly rewarding. Even amidst the challenges of divorce, love and support can endure. True friendships can weather any storm, showing that family ties can remain strong despite marital changes.