Updated: Aug. 20, 2015
Originally Published: April 23, 2015
“Well, I suppose we’ll be the brains, and you can handle the beauty.” The moment I heard those words from some well-intentioned male classmates during high school, it hit me hard. We were collaborating on an English project, and I thought we were united by our intelligence. That remark made me reconsider everything.
Forget about pretty.
I’m not talking about dismissing the idea of looking attractive or rejecting the opinions of others about beauty. I’m referring to the overwhelming implications of what “pretty” signifies.
This is dedicated to my delightful three-year-old daughter, who adores trains and cars just as much as she loves dolls. She picks pink cupcakes but insists that blue is her favorite color. For three years, I’ve been pondering what to say when you eventually ask about the makeup I put on my face.
I could tell you it’s to enhance my appearance. While that’s partially accurate, it also suggests that I’m not good enough as I am. What kind of example does that set for you? I don’t want you to believe you need makeup to feel beautiful, because you already shine.
But I hesitate to say that. You’re so much more than just pretty. You’re smart, brave, imaginative, funny, playful, generous, and full of spirit.
Forget about pretty.
This is for my remarkable fourteen-year-old stepdaughter, who is stunning yet despises every photo taken of her and genuinely believes she is overweight. I wish we could go back to a time before selfies, when self-assessment was limited to mirrors, not filtered photos from every angle, scrutinized through the detached lens of social media. Being a teenager was challenging enough before these pressures.
I want you to understand that it wouldn’t matter if you were “overweight” (which you are not), because even if you were, you’d still be intelligent, kind, thoughtful, independent, creative, and yes, beautiful. Because beauty isn’t defined by a smaller nose or thinner thighs.
Forget about pretty.
This is for my amazing seventeen-year-old niece, who is rapidly becoming a rising star in the Canadian modeling industry. Discovered by a top agency at just sixteen, she is embarking on a career focused on physical appearance. I am proud yet deeply concerned.
I worry you might struggle with eating disorders to compete with other models or to get ahead. I fear you’ll overlook the fact that you are so much more than your looks. You are witty, vibrant, kind, and generous, as well as beautiful.
Forget about pretty.
I wish I could articulate, after all these years, why I still want (and sometimes feel the need) to wear makeup. I see women who go without and think, “Wow! She looks fantastic without any makeup.” So, why would I assume others don’t think the same of me? My partner prefers me without makeup, yet I would never show up at a social gathering bare-faced. What am I truly afraid of?
The concept of beauty is complicated. I find myself wanting to conform to the idea of looking good, yet I feel anger when that’s the first thing people notice about me. I’m fiercely protective of my youngest daughter’s exposure to the concept of beauty and all that it encompasses.
In today’s overly polished culture, I worry that our girls are being taught that the heroine must always have a tiny waist and flawless makeup, saved by a prince. That’s not who they should aspire to be. True heroines are individuals like Malala Yousafzai, who risked her life for education and is the youngest Nobel Peace Prize winner. Malala is courageous, articulate, intelligent, and yes, beautiful—not because she fits a mold, but because she embodies so much more.
Forget about pretty.
In our ongoing journey through parenting, we recognize the importance of teaching our children about self-worth beyond appearance. For those interested in exploring more about starting families, check out this insightful post on couples’ fertility journeys through artificial insemination.
To further educate yourself about pregnancy and home insemination, this link offers an excellent resource for exploring in vitro fertilization. And when it comes to safety in automotive environments, you can find reliable information here.
In summary, it’s crucial that we redefine beauty and emphasize the qualities that truly matter. Let’s inspire future generations to appreciate themselves for who they are beyond just their appearance.