When I was a child imagining my future, two dreams stood out prominently. I envisioned myself as the quintessential “always-there” mom — the kind who spontaneously bakes cookies for her kids, is home when school ends, and is deeply engaged in every facet of their lives.
Simultaneously, I aspired to be a successful professional. Inspired by my single mother, I wanted to work hard and achieve financial independence. As a little girl, I fantasized about working at a grocery store (swiping items at the register was a childhood dream). My aspirations later evolved into wanting to be a teacher, midwife, or writer. Regardless of the career path, I imagined pouring my heart into my work while seamlessly embodying the perfect mother.
I longed to balance the dedication my mother exhibited in her career with the ability to be more present for my children than she could be as a single parent. I spent much of my upbringing as a latchkey kid, adept at fending for myself. I didn’t hold my mother accountable for this; I respected her relentless work ethic and sacrifices, yet I yearned for more parental involvement. I wanted to be the mom who had cookies ready when my kids came home and volunteered for school activities. Isn’t that what we all desire — to provide our children with the experiences we felt were missing in our own childhoods?
However, life didn’t quite unfold as I had envisioned. When my first child was born, I had to leave my esteemed position as a college English instructor because childcare costs in our area were prohibitively high. Also, I recognized that my current work commitments wouldn’t align with my parenting philosophy. Although we faced financial challenges, I had the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom for a few years.
Fast forward a decade — both my boys are now in full-time school. While I work almost full-time from home (which has its advantages), I still shoulder all the responsibilities I took on as a stay-at-home mom. I manage most housework, meal preparation, and all aspects of before- and after-school childcare, along with the emotional labor of running a household.
My life, schedule, and spirit revolve around my kids’ needs. I recognize I’m not alone in this; countless working mothers find themselves in similar situations.
On some level, this is what I always dreamed of. I can attend school events and, while I don’t whip up cookies regularly (unless the weekend allows for a breather), I am present after school, ready to listen to my children’s tales and provide endless snacks.
Yet, many working moms fall into the trap of being the default parent, balancing work with the expectations of being fully engaged at home. It’s as if we are expected to embody both a full-time career and an equally demanding parenting role. Let’s call it what it is: it’s incredibly stressful. Who could possibly manage all of this without feeling overwhelmed?
During the school year, my day begins with waking my kids, preparing breakfast, coaxing them to eat, dressing them, and ushering them out the door for school. Immediately after, I dive into work until I must pick them up. When I’m “off” work, I’m often still juggling tasks, replying to emails while managing after-school care, dinner, and homework. Once my husband gets home, I dive back into work to ensure I log my hours.
On top of that, I handle household chores, shuttle the kids to appointments, and attend countless school events. And yes, I’m the go-to parent for sick days.
Add to this the mental and emotional toll of managing our household, which I primarily bear. I remind myself that this is what I wanted — that I’m lucky to have this life, and I shouldn’t complain. While I recognize the privilege in my situation, it doesn’t negate the fact that it can feel overwhelming for one person to carry the weight of what should essentially be two.
When work deadlines stack up, the kids fall ill, and a home repair issue arises, I often feel like I’m on the brink of a breakdown. There are moments when I simply can’t do it all, and the tears flow.
My husband is involved and supportive, though his demanding job has historically limited his availability. Recently, he transitioned to a role that we hope will allow him to engage more fully with our children and share the household responsibilities, including the mental load. Like many families, we can’t afford external childcare or for either of us to reduce our work hours, so we’re all about finding balance and making thoughtful choices.
I don’t have all the answers. My strategy includes seeking help where I can and encouraging my partner to share the load. I’m learning to adjust my expectations and accept that perfection isn’t realistic. I’ve stepped back from the PTA and some school events to give myself space to breathe.
“Good enough” is my new mantra, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m reframing my expectations and understanding that my children will flourish best with a happy mom, not one who’s constantly struggling to meet unrealistic standards.
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In summary, the journey of balancing motherhood and a career is fraught with challenges. While the desire to be the perfect parent persists, embracing the notion of “good enough” can lead to a more fulfilling and less stressful experience for both mother and child.