I’m exhausted. But not just the typical tiredness; it’s the kind that comes from nurturing a young person. This isn’t the overwhelming fatigue that accompanies the endless demands of a toddler, though. While potty training was a challenging period filled with its fair share of stress and occasional embarrassment, I knew there would come a day when my child would handle bathroom duties independently.
Now, however, my tiredness feels different from what it did a decade ago. I feel somewhat guilty admitting my fatigue, especially since my daughter is a tween who is eagerly anticipating her teenage years. She can dress herself, bathe independently, and the thought of snuggling up with me in bed at night would likely disturb her. Not only does she feed herself, but she’s also capable of preparing meals when necessary.
This exhaustion is not merely a result of late nights spent picking her up from friends’ houses or early mornings driving her to weekend activities. It’s deeper—an emotional fatigue born from the heavy worries that come with parenting a pre-teen. Topics like domestic violence, sexting, and drugs are now part of conversations with kids her age. The unsettling reality is that these issues exist in her school, and that knowledge weighs heavily on me.
Unlike the physical exhaustion of answering a toddler’s endless questions, this tiredness stems from the unspoken concerns that linger between us. I find myself pondering the things she doesn’t share, the burdens she carries in silence. It’s painful to acknowledge that there are complex questions I can’t answer, injustices I can’t rectify, and emotional wounds I can’t magically heal.
Every mother desires to create a perfect world for her child, yet there comes a time when we realize our limitations. Even if I had quick solutions, I understand that sometimes, the best approach is to hold my tongue. Witnessing her emotional struggles makes it challenging to remain detached, even though I know my role is to provide support without getting engulfed in the drama. I strive to be the steady adult she needs, but to her, my calmness may seem like a sign that I can’t relate to her feelings.
On her 12th birthday, I was taken aback by the realization that I had already spent two-thirds of my parenting journey with her. That moment struck me like a bolt, turning parenting into a race against time. I want to impart so much wisdom during our remaining years together—if fate allows it. Yet, I know that spending time with parents isn’t exactly her top priority. The mistakes I’ve made over the years often replay in my mind, and I wish I could go back and correct them for her sake.
I recognize how fortunate I am to be a mom of a growing child. I’m incredibly blessed to witness the unique challenges and joys that these complicated years of adolescence bring. I’ve heard from friends that the teenage years often leave parents feeling even more fatigued, which is a daunting prospect.
During my pregnancy, a wise colleague told me, “You’ll never sleep the same way again,” and he was absolutely right. Now I appreciate his wisdom and understand the depth of his own tiredness. The saying that as children grow, so do their problems holds true. I hope the worries will eventually ease, though I suspect they may not. As Toni Morrison wisely stated, “Grown don’t mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What’s that supposed to mean? In my heart, it don’t mean a thing.”
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In summary, while parenting a tween presents its own unique challenges and emotional fatigue, I remain grateful for every moment I get to share with my daughter as she navigates these pivotal years.